Lil Johnny Jokes

[Chiron]

Five year old Little Johnny is lost. Weeping he looks for a policeman and sobs:

"I can't find my dad!"

The policeman reassures him:

 "Oh come on kid, we'll find him in no time. What's he like?"

"Uh, mostly beer and broads..."

[thelufias]

Love that second one......but both were great...

[thelufias]

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman.

"The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

[Jherrith]

The Sunday school teacher asks:

"Now Johnny, tell me frankly: do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," replies Little Johnny, "We don’t have to, my Mom is a great cook!"

[Jherrith]

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman.

"The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Things that make you go

Or out of the mouth of babes and primates

[Chiron]

Little Johnny is in church with his Mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly feels nauseous.

"Mom, I must throw up!"

"Oh no..." whispers his Mom under her breath, "then you'll better run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes, there nobody will see you."

Little Johnny runs for the door. Before long he's back to the pew next to his Mom, with a look of relief on his young face.

"Wow, that was fast! Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"No need, Mom. Just as I got to the front door I found a box that read 'FOR THE SICK' ".

[thelufias]

  Bwaaaa Haaa Haaa...

[thelufias]

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

[Scouseaphrenia]

Hey grandad... Can I ask you a question for my homework?


Sure Johnny...


Where did you come from?


Oh... Er... Um.... They found me in the cabbage patch.


Some note-taking... OK!


Hey dad.... Where did you come from?


Oh...Er... Um... The vicar gave me to your mother.


More note-taking... OK!


Hey big bro... Where did you come from?


Oh... Er... Um... The stork flew down and left me on the doorstep.


Yet more notes... Ok!


Late all three decide to see what this homework answer was...




"I have conversed with the pertinent familial members and as far as I can ascertain there has been no intercourse in this family for three generations."

[Chiron]

"Daddy, can you write in the dark?"

"I should think so, Johnny. What would you want me to write?"

"Oh, just your name on this report card..."