-
Never date a woman whose father calls her 'Princess.' Chances are she believes it.
-
Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.
-
A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. :thumb_up:
-
Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
-
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law
-
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
-
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
-
Communism is like one big phone company.
-
Somedays I Teach...some days I think LOL...thus.....TAUGHT...... :yes:
-
And some days I make them up.....
Much time is needed to hike up pants when standing on cuffs.
-
Danger Will Robinson Danger some one is trying to think, quick call the Fire department, an ambulance, and all other support personal tis an emergency. :dominatrix: :ambulance: :tearlaugh: :deadhorse: :ele_butt:
-
:o_go_on: Pishaaaa.....Nothing to it LOL
-
Duh... so I posted the taught of the day in the shout box.... hehehe! you'll have to excuse someone who should look before hitting the enter key :)
So here it is again....
Where ever you go.... Go with your whole heart... Confusious
-
Never date a man who thinks he's God's gift , he'll look in the mirror and fall in love with himself.
-
Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.
-
Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, / And toss them on the wheels of Chance.
-
To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood.
-
Quality is remembered long after the price is forgotten.
-
And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...
Edward Cullen
-
Secretly... I'm a little naive.
-
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
-
All thoughts or taughts are welcome....the more the merrier...... :Hi5: :Hi5: :Hi5:
-
The rabbit is considered a kind and intelligent creature in Cambodian culture.
Bugs Bunny
-
Good morning krusty crew
Spongebob
-
Eat my shorts
Bart Simpson
-
Wisdom is to the mind what health is to the body
-
Two lumps of coal, in time, make a diamond......
-
The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught.
-
When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest.
-
If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
-
:thumb_up: Not a bad idea "C".....Nice to see you made it.
-
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized
-
Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a rich man whose ways are perverse
-
Children Have Wide Ears and Long Tongues
-
Do not praise yourself while going into battle; praise yourself coming out of battle
-
Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day
-
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget
-
"What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-
My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared.
-
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
-
I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.
-
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread
-
Great minds think alike, simple minds cant think of anything different
-
He That Teaches Himself has a Fool for his Master
-
"The service we render others is the rent we pay for our room on earth."
-
If in doubt, mumble 8)
-
Knowing is not enough; We must Apply Willing is not enough; We must Do
-
Life is not all beer and skittles
-
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-
In critical moments even the very powerful have need of the weakest.
-
It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.
-
Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth
-
Many a mickle makes a muckle
-
Never put your tongue on an iceberg
-
One of these days is none of these days
-
Promises are like babies Easy to make, hard to deliver
-
Quality is better than quantity
-
We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own
-
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
-
My motto is always put off until tomorrow what you don't feel like doing today cause it will have to be done again anyway. :dominatrix:
-
Some are Wise and Some are Otherwise
-
Virtues all agree, but vices fight one another
-
When a fool is silent, he too is counted among the wise
-
There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.
-
That which has always been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to be false.
-
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
-
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
-
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
-
In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.
-
Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.
-
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
-
"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
- Benny Hill
-
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Mark Twain. -
-
I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted
-
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Disturbing but oh so true
-
:eyescan: Still waiting
-
How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.
-
There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time.
-
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
-
"It is a kingly act to assist the fallen."
-
Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful
-
Feng Shui De-clutter
-
Better to remain silent and appear a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
-
All too frequently a problem evaded is a crisis invited.
-
People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.
-
To be great is to be misunderstood.
-
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-
The cobra will bite you whether you call it cobra or Mr Cobra
-
Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice inside the ceiling laugh
-
The best doctors are Dr Diet, Dr Quiet and Dr Merryman
-
Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.
-
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
-
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
-
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
-
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
-
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.
-
"Clinging to the past is the problem. Embracing change is the answer."
-
Ah a rare soul that knows the secret
I think it was said best in an episode of Dr. Who
Knowing the answers is the easy part,
asking the right question, ah now there is the trick.
-
When Abbot Pambo was asked to say a few words to the very important Bishop of Alexandria, who was visiting some of the Desert Fathers, the elder replied: "If he is not edified by my silence, there is no hope that he will be edified by my words."
-
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
-
We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.
-
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. 8)
-
Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations.
-
Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
-
The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.
-
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
-
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
-
I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-
Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.
-
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.
-
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
-
The best way to solve any problem is to remove its cause.
-
One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person.
-
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
-
The future is much like the present, only longer.
-
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
-
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
-
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
-
The more things change, the more they remain... insane.
-
There will always be a part, and always a very large part of every community, that have no care but for themselves, and whose care for themselves reaches little further than impatience of immediate pain, and eagerness for the nearest good.
-
To be amused by what you read--that is the great spring of happy quotations.
-
A comb becomes bad when it hurts you.
-
A cutting word is worse than a bowstring, a cut may heal, but the cut of the tongue does not.
-
A fool looks for dung where the cow never browsed.
-
Confiding a secret to an unworthy person is like carrying grain in a bag with a hole
-
If you don't stand for something, you will fall for something.
-
When elephant steps on a trap, no more trap.
-
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.
-
One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.
-
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
-
We already tried that..... 8)
-
Snicker
-
A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
-
By the yard, life is hard. By the inch, it's a cinch.
-
Every man has a fool up his sleeve.
-
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
-
Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
-
A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself.
-
Fire can't burn fire
-
With no-mind, blossoms invite the butterfly. With no-mind, the butterfly visits the blossoms. When the flower blooms, the butterfly comes.
-
When worn out
and seeking an inn--
wisteria flowers!
-
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name
-
Health food males me sick
-
In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends upon the name it bears. Things are not only what they are. They are, in very important respects, what they seem to be.
-
The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
-
All the world's a cage.
-
"Style is the garb of thought."
-
You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.
-
When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and bring joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.
-
I'd rather have them say "There he goes" than "Here he lies.".
-
The butterfly sleeps well,
perched on the temple bell..............
until it rings.
-
You cannot get ahead while you are getting even.
-
My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing.
-
Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.
-
In the end, everything is a gag.
-
"Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas."
-
If you can't ride two horses at once, you shouldn't be in the circus.
-
Poets are born, not made.
-
The cemeteries are filled with people who thought the world couldn't get along without them.
-
Cemetaries are also filled with people who were dying to get there. :dr_ani:
-
A fat pig is a sow unless its a fat cow.
-
LOL....And here I thought I confused folks..... :willy_nilly:
-
Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one.
-
A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.
-
There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them.
-
The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs.
-
And what's romance? Usually, a nice little tale where you have everything as you like It, where rain never wets your jacket and gnats never bite your nose and it's always daisy-time.
-
Even logical positivists are capable of love
-
Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you
-
Computer dating is fine, if you‚ are a computer.
-
It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.
-
Fashion is general; style is individual.
-
If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
-
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
-
Where love is concerned, too much is not even enough.
-
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.
-
When you get free from certain fixed concepts of the way the world is, you find it is far more subtle, and far more miraculous, than you thought it was.
-
Sex isn't the answer
Sex is the question
Yes is the answer
-
When is enough not "enough"
When it is "one hug"
-
RFT
-
I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.
-
I want to write a poem about "Truth," "Honor," "Dignity," and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it.
-
If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I'll bet there'd be a lot more people trying to take pictures of them.
-
The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
-
I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
-
The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon.
-
I think the hardest decision you have to make before you ever decide to move to outer space, is where to put the corner bookshelf.
-
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
-
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
-
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
-
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
-
I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.
-
In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated.
-
When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant.
-
I, Joan Crawford, I believe in the dollar. Everything I earn, I spend
- Joan Crawford
-
The main things which seem to me important on their own account, and not merely as means to other things, are knowledge, art, instinctive happiness, and relations of friendship or affection.
-
Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better.
-
When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.
-
I like undressing women with my eyes, although I just can't quite figure out how to unstrap their bras with my eyelids.
-
I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.
-
I once got attacked by a bearskin rug, two days before it was a rug.
-
Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.
-
Father Flannigan's Whiskey wants to remind you that wherever there are four Irish Catholics, there's always a fifth.
-
If loving someone is putting them in a strait jacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.
-
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.
-
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.
-
A book of quotations . . . can never be complete.
-
Until you're here, there's no way to get here.
Once you're here, there's no way to go.
-
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy
-
Whoever said 'nothings impossible' never tried to nail jell-o to a tree
-
You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.
-
If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.
-
"There's a thread that binds all of us together, pull on one end of the thread, the strain is felt all down the line."
-
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
-
Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born.
-
Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.
-
A close mouth and open eyes never did any one harm.
-
Don't throw away your dirty water till you have got clean.
-
“I think its ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gasâ€ÂÂÂÂÂ
Nancy cartwright quote. on Ironic.
-
A fire drill does not demand a fire.
-
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
-
"All that is due to us will be paid, although not perhaps by those to whom we have lent."
-
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
-
I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
-
A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?
-
A man comes from the dust and in the dust he will end--and in the meantime it is good to drink a sip of vodka.
-
Charge nothing and you'll get a lot of customers.
-
Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.
-
Paths cannot be taught,
they can only be taken
-
A toupee is nothing more then a Hairy Hat....... :waveass: Oppps, wrong end
-
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
-
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
-
In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from.
-
We all act as hinges - fortuitous links between other people.
-
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask 'Why me?' Then a voice answers 'Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.'
-
Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemons, swell up and die.
Dogbert
-
Once again I'm saved by the miracle of... lasagne!
Garfield
-
The only thing we know about the future is that it will be different
-
One more reason for me not to move overseas........I'd be sued to many times to pay for the therapy they would need after seeing me nude.
-
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-
Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
-
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.
-
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
-
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
-
Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.
-- Dorothy Parker
-
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
-
Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
-
Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long.
-
A cult is a religion with no political power.
-
Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
-
We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
-
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands ... but English women only hope to find in their butlers.
-
I am still looking for a butler. :(ROFLMAO:
-
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
-
A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors.
-
Men who never get carried away should be.
-
Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time. We are in it now.
-
Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
-
Bachelors know more about women than married men do. If they didn't, they'd be married too.
-
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
-
The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.
-
Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative.
-
There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.
-
"What, to eternity, is a thousand years? Not so much as the blinking of an eye to the turning of the slowest of the spheres."
Dante (A.D. 1265 - 1321)
-
Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped
-
Every family has a skeleton in the cupboard
-
Flies never visit an egg that has no crack
-
Flies will always land on a crack.
-
I am so horny the "crack" of dawn isn't safe :(TIME): :Fae01: :violetboop: :ele_butt:
-
:(ROFLMAO: :(ROFLMAO: :(ROFLMAO: I'm so stunned, I don't even have a good come back for that one..... :(ROFLMAO: :(ROFLMAO: :(ROFLMAO:
-
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.
-
Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.
-
A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
-
The eternity of the moment.
-
Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.
-
Life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat.
-
Your children need your presence more than your presents.
-
Your treasure house is within; it contains all you'll ever need.
-
The poor long for riches, the rich long for heaven, but he wise long for a state of tranquility.
-
The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance observes.
-
Something that all should learn
-
Absolutely correct.......Of course I might change the "Hair Do" if I could....but that would about it...... :(ROFLMAO:
-
No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.
-
The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.
-
Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution.
-
The things that are unseen are eternal.
-
It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.
-
Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology.
-
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
-
Monk: "What is the greatest obstacle to enlightenment?"
The Buddha: "Laziness"
-
My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.
-
She had an unequaled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities.
-
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
-
Naked
on a naked horse
in pouring rain!
-
The clock indicates the moment - but what does eternity indicate?
-
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
-
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
-
A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty.
-
I do not know which is worse the fact that I understood your dissertation or that I have been guilty of the above for a random amount of time on random days doing random activities
-
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
-
You can be a rank insider as well as a rank outsider.
-
Someone's boring me. I think it's me.
-
This is my ultimate fantasy: Watching QVC with a credit card while making love and eating at the same time.
-
Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
-
I knew a girl at school called Pandora...never got to see her box though.
-
"I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age."
George Burns
-
It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously.
-
I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
-
If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it.
-
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
-
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
-
Pity your boss. The poor guy has to get up early to see who comes in late.
-
Minds are like parachutes: they only function when they are open.
-
Adventure is just bad planning.
-
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
-
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
-
Mythology is much better stuff than history. It has form; logic; a message.
-
You are already complete.
You just don't know it.
-
Ever heard Victoria's REAL secret? Too much support hurts.
-
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
-
They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse.
-
The patterns and logic of fairy tale and myth correspond to those of dream.
-
DISASTER......Overseas Flight, bathroom broke, no Depends
-
DISASTER: Prize winning sweet corn dripping in butter served at country fair.....False teeth sitting on sink at home
-
DISASTER: Go to the gas station to fill up because your below "E".....Discover you took the wrong set of keys cause you don't have the set that has the gas cap key on it.....and you live 30 miles away.....and you drive a SUV.
-
I don't care what it is, when it has an LCD screen, it makes it better.
-
If man does find the solution for world peace it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his record we have ever known.
-
One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
-
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
-
Pleasure is the carrot dangled to lead the ass to market; or the precipice.
-
Two Dallas women opened a marina. They ran the best little oarhouse in Texas.
-
The lost child,
crying, crying,
but still catching fireflies
-
I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.
-
The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.
-
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
-
The more you know the less you need to say
-
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
-
There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.
-
Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.
-
If Reality is wrong and dreams are for real What is unreal?
-
Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.
-
You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.
-
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
-
There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.
-
Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.
-
The reason they call if 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.
-
Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness
-
I have no time for lies or fantasy and neither should you. Enjoy or die.
-
The average person thinks he isn't.
-
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
-
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
-
Don't seek reality. Just put an end to opinions.
-
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
-
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up
-
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions
-
If you have two versions of a photo, you will send the wrong one to the printer.
-
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time
-
Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always
-
Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.
-
Confusion is always the most honest response.
-
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast.
-
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
-
If men were angels, no government would be necessary.
-
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track
-
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make
-
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door
-
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
-
In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first
-
It takes 20 men to do the job of one woman.
-
And that's because a man knows if he waits long enough....the women WILL do it.....
-
Is that Lords in Waiting?
-
LOL....Now we know where that line came from.....
-
If you're not scared or angry at the thought of a human brain being controlled remotely, then it could be this prototype of mine is finally starting to work.
-
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
-
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
-
If it smells, it's chemistry
-
If it moves, it's biology
-
If it doesn't work, it's physics
-
Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language.
-
Men have become the tools of their tools.
-
Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?
-
Sit, rest, work.
Alone with yourself, never weary.
On the edge of the forest, live joyfully, without desire.
-
When every thing is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
-
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
-
An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
-
In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
-
An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.
-
I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.
-
There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.
-
If you look like your passport photo you're too ill to travel.
-
I've never seen a monument erected to a pessimist
-
First thoughts are not always the best.
-
I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street.
-
No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.
-
The big thieves hang the little ones
-
A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.
-
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom.
-
A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.
-
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
-
I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it.
-
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
-
To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders
-
I really love my barrel-making job; connecting each board into one round barrel.
-
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
-
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn't doing what I was doing.
-
He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."
-
The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire
-
In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from.
-
Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits.
-
Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
-
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."
-
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
-
One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.
-
The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it.
-
Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain.
-
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
-
It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
-
I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything today.
-
Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...
-
There are years that ask questions and years that answer.
-
THE FOUR VOWS
However innumerable sentient beings, I vow to save them.
However inexhaustible the passions, I vow to extinguish them.
However immeasurable the dharmas, I vow to master them.
However incomparable the Buddha's truth, I vow to attain it.
-
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
-
What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books.
-
Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.
-
I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!
-
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.
-
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
-
The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool
-
Hey GI....No Fair Singing "Meatloaf" Songs....(It happens to be one of my favorite songs)
-
The less you talk, the more you're listened to
-
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
-
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.
-
I think it would be a good idea.
-
"Very often if happens that a discovery is made whilst working upon quite another problem."
-
Never get a mime talking. He won't stop.
-
One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams showed up on TVs all over the world.
-
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
-
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
-
The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays "Helter Skelter."
-
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
-
I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, "Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?"
-
If the teaching doesn't feel like it's forcing something upon you, it's not good teaching.
-
It is harder to see then it is to express.
-
Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
-
You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.
-
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
-
The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the solution comes to you and you don't know how or why.
-
The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity
-
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death.
-
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
-
I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.
-
"The secret of all those who make discoveries is that they regard nothing as impossible."
-
What do batteries run on?
-
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.
-
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
-
He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.
-
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
-
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
-
Most new discoveries are suddenly-seen things that were always there.
-
Smoking cures weight problems... Eventually...
-
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
-
The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.
-
Strike the midnight bell at noon.
-
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose
-
Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.
-
All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!
-
If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.
-
Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers.
-
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
-
It is a task to come to see the world as it is.
-
Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home, his face might burn up.
-
If there were no God, there would be no Atheists.
-
I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
-
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
-
The only disability in life is a bad attitude.
-
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
-
I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
-
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
-
Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma
-
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
-
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
-
Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.
-
I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
-
LOL...."Congress and Useless"...They do go hand in hand indeed....Good one
-
Some for renown, on scraps of learning dote, /And think they grow immortal as they quote.
-
Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own.
-
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
-
If you ever do a survey, you'll find that people prefer illusion to reality, ten to one. Twenty, even
-
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
-
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
-
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
-
Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
-
A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
-
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
-
A leaf falls,
Totsu! Another leaf falls
carried by the wind
-
"Our greatest illusion is to believe that we are what we think ourselves to be."
-
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
-
The person not here is the one working on the problem.
-
The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced.
-
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
-
'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
-
Newspapermen learn to call a murderer 'an alleged murderer' and the King of England 'the alleged King of England' to avoid libel suits.
-
And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox
-
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
-
If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights! :what!:
-
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-
There is nothing so complicated that can not be solved by the suitable use of high explosives
-
I didn't really say everything I said.
-
You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
-
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
-
Don't draw another's bow, don't ride another's horse, don't mind another's business.
-
The mind, the Buddha, living creatures-----these are not three different things.
-
Droughts are because God didn't pay his water bill.
-
It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
-
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
-
If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan?
-
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
-
How did a fool and his money get together?
-
To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.
-
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
-
If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
-
I think I saw Grandma downtown here in Monroe..... :eyescan:
-
Exercise relieves stress. Nothing relieves exercise.
-
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
-
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
-
One day's exposure to mountains is better than cartloads of books.
-
If servers were human.....we would have a bunch of bodies to bury......... :blubop: :blubop: :blubop:
-
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb: The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
-
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
-
If you have any doubts that we live in a society controlled by men, try reading down the index of contributors to a volume of quotations, looking for women's names.
-
Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.
-
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
-
"There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness."
-Han Suyin, 1952
-
Hindsight is an exact science.
-
And requires glasses LOL
-
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
-
No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
-
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
-
"Remember
the bread you meet each day
is still rising
Don't scare the dough.
-
When it is winter, speak cold;
When it is summer, speak hot.
-
If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line
-
Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed.
-
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
-
Interchangable parts won't.
-
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
-
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
-
Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukulele.
-
To ask the hard question is simple
-
Is there life before coffee?
-
It just doesn't get any Beta than this.
-
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
-
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
-
You're never too old to become younger.
-
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
-
Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows.
-
We need to be prepared.......always.....so pack your bags
-
Luck.....The art of not being unlucky.
-
Sometimes the world is not fair.....sometimes the world is a fair......sometimes you get caught in affair.......
-
If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
-
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault.
-
The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
-
There never was any heart truly great and generous that was not also tender and compassionate.
-
Progress......The art of going forward and accomblishing something....or at least trying
-
It is the dead wood that holds up the tree.
-
It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
-
Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.
-
Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
-
I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
-
The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away.
-
Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.
- Cary Grant
-
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
-
Art is frozen Zen
-
The universe has demanded that you be you. Ain't no avoiding it.
-
From birth to death it's just like this.
-
A skeptic walks up to a Zen master and asks:
"Is there life after death?"
"How should I know?" the master replied.
"But you're a Zen master!"
"Yes," the Zen master says, "but no a dead one."
-
If you drop your keys into molten lava just let 'em go 'cause, man, they're gone.
-
A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
-
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
-
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
-
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
-
Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.
-
It is later than you think.
-
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
-
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
-
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-
Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes.
-
If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.
-
I'm so glad I never feel important, it does complicate life!
-
Sometimes being dumb is smart....You don't get asked stupid questions that way....
-
No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.
-
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
-
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
-
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognized them.
-
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
-
A myth is a moth's sister.
-
The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.
-
There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it.
-
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
-
Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo
-
The wind drops, but the flowers still fall;
A bird sings, and the mountain is more full of mystery,
-
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
-
Love is a state in which a man sees things most decidedly as they are not.
-
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
-
Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow
-
Look at pictures if your horny......
-
Ahem..............Then sound you hear is no one disagreeing, LOL
-
It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
-
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
-
My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music.
-
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
-
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
-
I always have a quotation for everything - it saves original thinking.
-
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.
-
I'm glad I didn't have to fight in any war. I'm glad I didn't have to pick up a gun. I'm glad I didn't get killed or kill somebody. I hope my kids enjoy the same lack of manhood.
-
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
-
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men.
-
Light! Nature's resplendent robe; without whose vesting beauty all were wrapt in gloom.
-
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
-
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper.
-
Introducing 'Lite' - The new way to spell 'Light', but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
-
Sitting back against the bamboos
I am playing my lute and singing,
all too softly for anyone to hear-
except my companion, the white moon.
-
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
-
People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
-
A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.
-
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
-
I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.
-
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
-
I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
-
The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us.
-
Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face.
-
I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
-
I read my horoscope. The first line said, 'Ignore bad advice.' Fine. I stopped reading my horoscope.
-
On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.
-
I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's another thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
-
The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good diseases.
-
Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?
-
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.
-
There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
-
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
-
A painting of a rice cake does not satisfy hunger
-
Talk does not cook rice.
-
The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about those once in a while and watch your answers change.
-
The only one I'm sure that won't change is "WHEN YOU WERE BORN"......Unless I have a second coming LOL
-
Uh?
It actually says "Where" but then again that won't change either
LOL
-
Ahhhh.....I see that now......
LOL
-
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
-
The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce, and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.
-
This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book - it makes a very poor doorstop.
-
The Law of Raspberry Jam: The wider any culture is spread, the thinner it gets.
-
One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal. Soon we'll need a new definition.
-
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
-
Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.
-
Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much.
-
'So you think *I'm* the murderer?
What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not, be the next victim?'
'Well, that would be a start.'
-
Without risk, faith is an impossibility.
-
Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.
-
A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
-
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
-
Don't want anything.
Don't make anything.
Don't hold anything.
Don't attach anything.
-
Your inside is out and your outside is in.
-
The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community.
- Ann Strong
-
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
-
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
-
The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and all time.
-
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.
-
You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
-
The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
-
There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers.
-
After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
-
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
-
You can’t be late until you show up.
-
A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
-
Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil
-
Then move to Beverly Hills......
Hey, that's a good theme for a TV show......(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/Emotions/010105cool_5.gif)
-
We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us.
-
This is like deja vu all over again.
-
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.
-
You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vividly in repose.
-
There is a man who eats sparingly, but is never hungry. There is a man who is always eating, but is never full.
-
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
-
To be fond of learning is near to wisdom.
-
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
-
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
-
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
-
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
-
Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
-
Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful.
-
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
-
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
-
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
-
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn’t expect to be paid back.
-
Best to be yourself, imperial, plain, and true!
-
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
-
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.
-
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
-
The water a cow laps turns into milk.
The water a snake licks changes into poison.
-
So much to do......so litt
-
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
-
Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence.
-
The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides.
-
When one is pretending the entire body revolts.
-
The ink painting of wind
blowing through pines---
who hears it?
-
The most effective way to do it, is to do it
-
“Sometimes I want to break out of his vacuum but I just can’t. The space demons keep calling me back into the void. I feel comfortable there!â€ÂÂÂÂÂ
-
There are more fools in the world than there are people.
-
98% of all Harleys ever sold are still on the road. The other 2% made it home.
-
Prediction is very difficult, especially if it's about the future
-
The significance of man is that he is insignificant and is aware of it.
-
I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.
-
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
-
To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.
-
When you invite trouble, it’s usually quick to accept.
-
Decorate yourself from the inside out.
-
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt
-
Chocolate......Ummmmmmm
-
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
-
She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table.
-
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
-
Nature never repeats herself, and the possibilities of one human soul will never be found in another.
-
True humility is contentment. There is no respect for others without humility in one's self.
-
Seven days without laughter makes one weak.
-
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
-
Never believe in mirrors or newspapers.
-
Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
-
Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.
-
I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me.
-
Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he’s losing; nobody wants you to quit when you’re ahead.
-
Silence & smile are two powerful tools.
Smile is the way to solve many problems & Silence is the way to avoid many problems.
-
Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
-
You are remembered for the rules you break
-
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself.
-
Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
-
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
-
Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.
-
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
-
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
-
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live
-
To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very few people have reached this level.
-
The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.
-
Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons.
-
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
-
You can’t be late until you show up.
-
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
-
It's not enough to bash in heads. You've got to bash in minds.
-
Critics search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.
-
What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen?
-
Human life is the only thing that takes care of itself.
-
Silence is a friend who will never betray.
-
When you invite trouble, it’s usually quick to accept.
-
What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.
-
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
-
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
-
Poetry begins when we look from the center outward.
-
Frost across the river...
all I'd hoped for lost
in the gathering autumn night.
Among the reeds and flowers,
a thousand miles alone.
But moonlight fills the boat.
-
Misery is a communicable disease.
-
In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn’t know what he is doing.
-
A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
-
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
-
Wisdom begins in wonder
-
What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
-
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
-
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
-
There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted.
-
I know nothing about sex because I was always married.
-
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
-
Poetry is music written for the human voice.
-
"Indecision may or may not be my problem."
-
The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.
-
Anger is a short madness.
Don’t allow it to ruin long standing relations.
-
The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.
-
Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others.
-
What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!
-
Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else.
-
If you can draw the stone rightly, everything within reach of art is also within yours.
-
If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.
-
I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can't read any poetry.
-
Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.
-
The world is never the same once a good poem has been added to it.
-
Why is it that the good things are always hard but the bad things are so easy?
-
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.
-
When you are going to be a good lover, you should learn how to get hurt.
-
Smiling serenely,
the Buddha points to
a little stinkworm.
-
I like undressing women with my eyes, although I just can't quite figure out how to unstrap their bras with my eyelids.
-
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him
-
Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.
-
Whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well
-
All truth, in the long run, is only common sense clarified
-
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
-
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise.
-
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
-
Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
-
Everything in the universe goes by indirection. There are no straight lines.
-
The excess of virtue is a vice.
-
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
-
Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning.
-
The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.
-
Lucky means who get the opportunity.
Brilliant means who create the opportunity.
Winner means who use the opportunity.
Be a winner always.
-
Silence & smile are two powerful tools.
Smile is the way to solve many problems & Silence is the way to avoid many problems.
-
When you are up in life, your friends get to know who you are.
But when you are down in life, you get to know who your friends are .
-
Isn't that the truth
-
Found it just for you my friend......
-
Tis appreciated more then you know.
-
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing
-
Action is the foundational key to all success
-
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
-
Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.
-
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.
-
The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
-
A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
-
There cannot be a crisis this week. My schedule is already full.
-
Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.
-
i thought it was today...guess i was mistaken :Odouls-Amber:
-
Nope...it was yesterdays tomorrow and todays yesterday so that make it nows then and then's now. Glad to see your drinking O'Douls.....
-
A buddha is just someone with no concerns
-
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
-
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
-
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
-
People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
-
Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.
-
He who is too busy doing good finds no time to be good.
-
He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
-
He was a genius - that is to say, a man who does superlatively and without obvious effort something that most people cannot do by the uttermost exertion of their abilities.
-
But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
-
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
-
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
-
The citizen can bring our political and governmental institutions back to life, make them responsive and accountable, and keep them honest. No one else can.
-
The observer is the observed.
-
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
-
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius
-
There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness.
-
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
-
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
-
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
-
For years governments have been promising more than they can deliver, and delivering more than they can afford.
-
The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government.
-
Any war that requires the suspension of reason as a necessity for support is a bad war.
-
The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is why do I think it's not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.
-
The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
-
In politics, an organized minority is a political majority.
-
Decision by democratic majority vote is a fine form of government, but it's a stinking way to create.
-
The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.
-
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one
-
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
-
There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class.
-
Pay no attention to what the critics say... Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic!
-
Writing books is the closest men ever come to childbearing
-
Reality, in theory, exist only if you are real......Are YOU ????
-
Give me a person who is honest, and I'll hide them for safekeeping because they are rare.
-
I once dated a girl who worshipped the ground I walked on....Of course, she was a Zombie and we were in a graveyard.
-
You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.
-
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever
-
We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming.
-
Children are all foreigners.
-
It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.
-
Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them -- and then, the opportunity to choose.
-
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
-
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
-
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
-
:thud:
-
My thoughts exactly
-
Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
-
Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.
-
There are more of them than us.
-
"Other than life experience, nothing left a deeper imprint on my formative self than the movies."
-
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
-
I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
-
A lawful kiss is never worth a stolen one.
-
Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.
-
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
-
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
-
Our world is very dishonest, and our leaders encourage dishonesty by setting bad examples- by lying, being corrupt, and using political sleight of hand to sustain power.
-
I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.
-
The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.
-
The precondition to freedom is security.
-
Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
-
The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum.
-
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.
-
It's Finally Over......Now it's back to our regularly scheduled programs.
-
Wit.......The constant companion of Nits
-
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
-
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
-
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.
-
The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
-
A true man does not need to romance a different girl every night, a true man romances the same girl for the rest of her life.
-
Romance is the poetry of literature.
-
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
-
A monk asked Tosu: Is there a dragon howl in a dead tree?
Tosu said: I say there's a lion roar in a skull.
-
Once there was another world, where things were dark and dim
Then we found a new home, and invited all our friends in.
The dark house howled and made up lies and cast blame all about,
But sooner then later those that are left will pack up and also move out.
-
RFT
-
The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.
-
Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuum's. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines.
-
A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men.
-
It wasn't until quite late that i discovered how easy it is to say "I don't know!"
-
Victory has a hundred fathers, but defeat is an orphan.
-
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
-
Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You have got to set your self on fire for it.
-
Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
-
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
-
To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
-
Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.
-
Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it.
-
It is easy to believe that life is long and one's gifts are vast -- easy at the beginning, that is. But the limits of life grow more evident; it becomes clear that great work can be done rarely, if at all.
-
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare
-
I'll never go to Mass again if this is what it does to my mind......
-
Arguments are often like melodramas -- they have a predictable beginning, middle, and end.
-
All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.
-
Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy.
-
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
-
You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave.
-
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
-
The true means of being misled is to believe oneself finer than the others.
(Ha....got it in the right place this morning)
-
Every great work of art has two faces, one toward its own time and one toward the future, toward eternity.
-
Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. I like fun.
-
The first and the third are quite appropriate don't you know.
-
We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking without facts.
-
Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it.
-
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
-
A man needs a little madness, or else he never dares cut the rope and be free.
-
The first point of courtesy must always be truth.
-
You can have power over people as long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything, he's no longer in your power.
-
Very good words Baal....Thank you
-
Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
-
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
-
The ideals which have lighted me on my way and time after time given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Truth, Goodness, and Beauty. . . . The ordinary objects of human endeavour -- property, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible.
-
Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.
-
Life on the planet is born of woman.
-
There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.
-
... without darkness
Nothing comes to birth,
As without light
Nothing flowers.
-
LOL.....You won't let me..... :Cup:
-
You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
-
I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.
-
The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'
-
Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.
-
The future has a way of arriving unannounced
-
Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk.
-
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
-
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
-
Life is but a day; a fragile dew-drop
on its perilous way
from a tree's summit.
-
The firmest fayth is found
in the fewest woordes
-
The knock at the door tells the character of the visitor!
-
A bad book is as much of a labour to write as a good one; it comes as sincerely from the author's soul.
-
Your true traveller finds boredom rather agreeable than painful. It is the symbol of his liberty - his excessive freedom. He accepts his boredom, when it comes, not merely philosophically, but almost with pleasure.
-
A short saying often contains much wisdom.
-
The world is moving so fast these days that the one who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.
-
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
-
Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputations... can never effect a reform.
-
Good manners are the technique of expressing consideration for the feelings of others.
-
Failure is success if we learn from it
-
One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity.
-
To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
-
War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory.
-
The harder I work, the luckier I get
-
When humans participate in ceremony, they enter a sacred space. Everything outside of that space shrivels in importance. Time takes on a different dimension. Emotions flow more freely. The bodies of participants become filled with the energy of life, and this energy reaches out and blesses the creation around them. All is made new; everything becomes sacred.
-
To repeat what others have said, requires education, to challenge it,
requires brains.
-
Technological change is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.
-
I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits.
-
My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.
-
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
-
In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you.
-
I'm convinced there's a small room in the attic of the Foreign Office where future diplomats are taught to stammer.
-
Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before... He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
-
Play is the exultation of the possible.
-
On whose door does the moonlight not shine?
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t001.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t002.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t004.jpg)
-
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
-
Order is power
-
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping
-
So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause.
-
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
-
The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.
-
It is the emotion which drives the intelligence forward in spite of obstacles
-
If you want to extend the light of the dharma, let it first illuminate your own heart.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t005.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t006.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t007.jpg)
-
All the President is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway.
-
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
-
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t008.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t009.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t010.jpg)
-
I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-
The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
-
A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.
-
You are not allowed to travel at night, but you must arrive before daybreak.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t011.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t012.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t013.jpg)
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As I grow older , I regret to say that a detestable habit of thinking seems to be getting a hold of me.
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t014.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t015.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t016.jpg)
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Patience is the companion of wisdom.
-
I have read your book and much like it.
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The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question.
-
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
-
Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
-
Disciple: "What is Tao?"
Hsiang-yen: "In the dry woods the dragon is singing."
-
No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.
-
We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?
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I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
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Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
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Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness.
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The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
-
Everything comes from your own heart.
This is what one ancient called "bringing out the family treasure."
-
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
-
Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take
-
In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is.
-
The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not.
-
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
-
Never let your sense of morals keep you from doing what's right
-
"Moderation multiplies pleasures."
-Democritus (460-370 B.C.)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t017.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t018.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t019.jpg)
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Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
-
Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
-
Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t020.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t021.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t022.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t023.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t024.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t025.jpg)
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I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
-
Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
-
Learn to be calm and you will always be happy
-
Moderation is the silken string running through the pearl-chain of all virtues.
-
I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good.
-
Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
-
Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
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The pursuit, even of the best things, ought to be calm and tranquil.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t026.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t027.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t028.jpg)
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Nice ones
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t029.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t030.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t031.jpg)
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
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Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
-
True Missy....True....BUT.....Sometimes it ends up being Artificial Turf :thud:
-
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead
-Woody Allen
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t032.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t033.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t034.jpg)
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Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
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Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one.
-
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a little.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t035.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t036.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t037.jpg)
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Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
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The least of learning is done in the classrooms.
-
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
-
The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless.
-
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t038.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t039.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t041.jpg)
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Invention is the mother of necessity.
-
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
-
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
-
We find what we search for - or, if we don't find it, we become it."
-
Crescent moon---
bent to the shape
of the cold
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t040.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t042.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t043.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t044.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t045.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t046.jpg)
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An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.
-
The best way out is always through.
-
The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.
-
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.
Shelly Winters
-
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t047.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t048.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t049.jpg)
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Not every story has explosions and car chases. That's why they have nudity and espionage.
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I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
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The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t050.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t051.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t052.jpg)
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You never find yourself until you face the truth.
-
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
-
Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get them, get them right, or they will get you wrong.
-
Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.
-
The believing mind believes in itself.
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Life is too short to be in a hurry
-
Every concept grasped by the mind becomes an obstacle in the quest to those who search.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t053.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t054.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t055.jpg)
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I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
-
Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good.
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The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.
-
Channeling is just bad ventriloquism. You use another voice, but people can see your lips moving.
-
All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.
-
I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t056.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t057.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t058.jpg)
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It does not require many words to speak the truth
-
The artist must summon all his energy, his sincerity, and the greatest modesty in order to shatter the old clichés that come too easily to hand while working, which can suffocate the little flower that does not come ever, the way one expects.
- Henri Matisse
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t059.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t060.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t061.jpg)
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Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
-
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
-
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t062.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t063.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t064.jpg)
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Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
-
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
-
All marriages are mixed marriages.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t065.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t066.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t068.jpg)
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I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it.
-
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
-
What's another word for Thesaurus?
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t069.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t070.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t071.jpg)
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"It is not enough to be industrious, so are the ants. What are you industrious about?"
-
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
-
The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking.
-
CNN is one of the participants in the war. I have a fantasy where Ted Turner is elected president but refuses because he doesn't want to give up power.
-
"I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I've met."
-
All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband some day.
-
If you were to put aside what you know because of what other people told you, how much of what you know do you truly know for yourself?
If you look for the origin of your thoughts, of your life, of your universe, can you find it?
Can you find where this moment comes from or where it goes home to?
-
So a try-mind is more important that any Zen master.
If you say "I can," then you can do something.
If you say "I cannot," then you cannot do anything.
Which do you like?
-
Words to follow for sure....and you did fine by them........
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t072.jpg)
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The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t073.jpg)
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Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
-
It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t074.jpg)
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Learn the changes then forget them
-
"Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back."
-
Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art
-
"DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS BEING TURNED OFF."
-
Being professional means knowing something about what you do....and not pretending you do.
-
The sound you hear is no one disagreeing
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t075.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t076.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t077.jpg)
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Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had.
-
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
-
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
-
How True....How True..... :tearlaugh:
-
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
-
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
-
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
-
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
-
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t078.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t079.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t080.jpg)
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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t081.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t082.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t083.jpg)
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Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise.
-
The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.
-
I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.
-
I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
-
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
-
In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.
-
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t084.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t085.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t086.jpg)
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In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
-
There are no wise few. Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob.
-
I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.
-
A single red berry
has fallen
on the frost in the garden.
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t087.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t088.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t089.jpg)
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Everyone's a hero in their own way, in their own not that heroic way.
-
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
-
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
-
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them
-
"You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself."
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t090.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t091.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t092.jpg)
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We do not accept ourselves for what we are, we retreat from our real selves, and then we erect a personality to bridge the gap.
-
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
-
A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.
-
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t093.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t094.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t095.jpg)
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
-
Genius is eternal patience.
-
Which came first.....The Nit or the Wit?
-
Depends which one of us is the Wit?
:tearlaugh:
-
Luckily I wasn't talking about us.....We have two others that are running for that spot....and neither is a wit for sure..... :beer: :beer:
-
Thank God I wasn't drinking anything at the time or I would have spit it up.
You are so right.
-
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
-
Television is for appearing on - not for looking at.
-
I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t096.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t097.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/AngelTale.gif)
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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
-
A wanderer: let that be my name-
the first winter rain
-
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield
-
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction
-
Go West Young Man......
Or is that East.....?
Hummmm, Nope.....It's West.....
At least I think it is...... :eyescan:
The Heck With It....... :o_go_on:
Go SOUTH Young Man :thud:
-
That's what she said....LOL
-
:icecream: :)
-
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
-
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
-
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t098.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t099.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t100.jpg)
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The two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change.
-
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
-
There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t101.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t102.jpg)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/t103.jpg)
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Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.
-
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.
-
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
-
As a man is, so he sees.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/Gift_at_Christmas22.gif)
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(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/aa3731.gif)
Maxine Wishes You All A Very MERRY CHRISTMAS
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/ThoughtsOfTheDay/xmas0803.gif)
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First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time.
-
When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
-
What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves.
-
It takes a great man to be a good listener.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/AtticChristmas/kk001.gif)
-
I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.
-
I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts.
-
No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating.
-
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child
-
The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
-
HO HO HO.....MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.....
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/AtticChristmas/xmas0801.gif)
-
Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology.
-
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
-
A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.
-
Enlightenment is for sissies.
Living ethically and morally is what really matters.
-
One Day After Christmas
Author Unknown
It's one day after Christmas
I'm crabby and I'm broke.
I'm so full of ham and fruitcake
I think I'm gonna croak.
It's nice to see the relatives
I wonder when they'll leave.
They've been camping in my bathroom
since early Christmas Eve.
They're eating everything in sight
and sleeping in my bed.
I been sacked out in the basement
with my beagle, Fred.
The relatives have all gone out
and left their screaming brats.
The toilet bowl is all plugged up
and I can't find the cat.
It's Christmastime at my house,
the relatives are here.
They eat me out of house and home.
and drink up all my beer.
I love the decorations,
and the sleigh bells in the snow
But I wish those pesky relatives
would take their kids and go.
Those cookie crunchers fed the dog
a twenty pound rib roast.
His feet are sticking in the air
like skinny old fence posts.
Now they're in a free-for-all,
the girls against the boys.
They're fighting over boxes
'cause they're bored with all their toys
My mother-in-law is snoring
in my favorite TV chair.
Those kids are stringing lights on her
and tinseling her hair
I oughta wake her up
before the fireworks begin.
But I wanna see those blue sparks fly
when they plug her in.
-
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
-
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
-
Over and Over and Over again....."Sigh"
-
Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.
-
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
-
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.
-
Each New Year requires new rules and regulations for the body.....Age does that ya know.
-
Your govenment loves you.......and your wallet
-
If life is so good, why do babies cry 24/7
-
There is no greater importance in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you.
-
A man's silence is wonderful to listen to.
-
We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others.
-
Attention is rewarded by a knowledge of reality
-
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler
-
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up
-
Life is complex - it has both real and imaginary parts
-
"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
- Confucius
-
"Hug the shore; let others try the deep."
- Virgil
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The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
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Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
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If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
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I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
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Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk.
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Each second, each minute, each hour of each day should be be spent trying to fulfill your New Years Resolution
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Never trust a person whose name starts with "X"
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May the suds in your bubble bath tickle you forever
-
There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
-
But pain normally puts you back in that unconscious state....
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Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
-
It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
-
To what shall I compare this life of ours?
Even before I can say it is like a
lightning flash or a dewdrop,
it is no more.
-
Birth - The beginning of Death
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New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
-
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
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Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
-
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
-
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
-
Damn it all I guess I don't get that kiss this year "again" LOL
hmmm
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Believe me....In some cases, your better off LOL......
-
So I have heard or noticed but still every once in a while
-
"I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes."
W.C.Fields
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I never drink water....Fish F**K in water.....
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Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds
-
:Cup: :Cup: :Cup: :ny3: :ny2: H A P P Y N E W Y E A R E V E R Y O N E :ny2: :ny3: :Cup: :Cup:
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I look at what the phone company does and do the opposite.
-
There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.
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It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste.
-
Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime
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Do not follow in the footsteps of the wise.
Seek what they sought.
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I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.
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I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises. But I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
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I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell" all the time.
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Courage is grace under pressure.
-
My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster.
-
I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.
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In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated.
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People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.
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We are bits of stellar matter that got cold by accident, bits of a star gone wrong.
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Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are.
-
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
-
A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
-
The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
-
"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
- Benny Hill
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"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett
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"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving."
-
Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
or as Kianna says :
Telling them to go to hell and they look forward to the trip
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Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.
-
Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
-
Anger is a short madness.
Don’t allow it to ruin long standing relations.
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A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
-
The simplest things give me ideas
or as Kianna says
Little things amuse little minds
Boy she can be harsh don't you know?
-
I know....I know....BELIEVE ME.....I know..... :thud:
-
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
-
You don't know a women till you've met her in court.
-
My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference.
-
We have, I fear, confused power with greatness
-
We expect more of ourselves than we have any right to.
-
Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness.
-
Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.
-
Bureaucrats write memorandum both because they appear to be busy when they are writing and because the memos, once written, immediately become proof that they were busy.
-
Meditation is not a means to an end. It is both the means and the end.
-
Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative.
-
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
-
What luck for rulers that men do not think.
-
There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors.
-
President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs.'
-
Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature.
-
Pain in the legs is the taste of Zen
-
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
-
A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth
-
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough
-
The maxims of men reveal their characters
-
Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death.
-
Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.
-
Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.
-
We would have to settle for the elegant goal of becoming ourselves.
-
The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.
-
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
-
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
-
"I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house
Zsa Zsa Gabor
-
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
-
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
-
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
-
LOL
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Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
-
Hummmm......You might have a point there LOL
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To wish to act like angels while we are still in this world is nothing but folly.
-
If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
-
The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages, may be preserved by quotation.
-
I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
-
How did a fool and his money GET together?
-
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
-
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
-
I, Joan Crawford, I believe in the dollar. Everything I earn, I spend
- Joan Crawford
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By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
-
When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.
-
He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave.
-
The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.
-
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-
Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
-
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. :Odouls-Amber: :sake: :Cup: :RUMXXX:
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I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you.
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LOL no help needed there unless I get that weird thought of oh let us wait till it is at least noon.
Then I remember it is noon "somewheres" on this pale blue dot floating in space.
-
Convincing yourself doesn't win an argument.
......or make what you think the truth.....
-
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. :Odouls-Amber: :sake: :Cup: :RUMXXX:
what about a wine tester or taster
-
I don't call that drinking LOL.....That's SIPPING....... :Cup: :Cup:
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
-
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
-
I never know how much of what I say is true.
-
Why do they report power outages on TV?
-
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
-
I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class. :thud:
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There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty
-
Not admiring a mistake is a bigger mistake.
-
Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.
-
Always doubt those that doubted you in the first place....it's very doubtful that they knew what they were talking about in the first place.
-
Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out?
-
Ever wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?
-
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
-
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
-
I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll double cross that bridge when he comes to it.'
-
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
-
Congratulations 100 pages of pithy syings
-
Do we shoot for 200 now my friend??????
With the number of hits we get......I'm going to go out on the limb and say folks do read them....and hopefully enjoy them.... :)
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I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
-
I would have to agree with you on that one it do look by the numbers that folks do like them.
-
One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.
-
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
-
Don`t think that you`re thinking. If you think that you're thinking you only think that you're thinking.
-
Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
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Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.
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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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Speech is silver, silence is golden;
speech is human, silence is divine
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Life without zazen is like winding your clock without setting it.
It runs perfectly well, but it doesn't tell time.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education
-
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my ex wife and I slept on bunk beds.
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The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.
-
I practice safe sex - I use an airbag. :)
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning.
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A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors.
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Speech is a mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so is he.
-
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
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Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways.
-
I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
-
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
-
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.
-
The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.
-
Always be wary of the Software Engineer who carries a screwdriver.
-
From the end of the nose
Of the Buddha on the moor
Hangs icicles
-
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
-
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
-
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
-
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose.
-
Violence of the tongue is very real - sharper than any knife
-
If nobody spoke unless he had something to say, the human race would very soon lose the use of speech.
-
I don't have an English accent because this is what English sounds like when spoken properly.
-
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
-
I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.
-
Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
-
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
-
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
-
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
-
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
-
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
-
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking."
-
Dare to be naive.
-
People are, if anything, more touchy about being thought silly than they are about being thought unjust.
-
We do on stage things that are supposed to happen off. Which is a kind of integrity, if you look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.
-
The artist doesn't have time to listen to the critics. The ones who want to be writers read the reviews, the ones who want to write don't have the time to read reviews.
-
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. So I looked closer. It was made of grass.
-
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
-
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
-
Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.
-
One should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar.
-
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.
-
Those who seek the Dharma
In the depths,
Are those who leave it
Behind in the shallows.
-
Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole!
-
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road.
I asked it why.
It told me it was none of my damn business.
I had Eggs for breakfast.....
And Chicken for lunch.
-
I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.
-
She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.
-
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
-
"I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor... so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.. On your mark..."
-
"I went to a massage parlor. It was self service."
-
Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything.
-
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.
-
We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine.
-
Sleep is when all the unsorted stuff comes flying out as from a dustbin upset in a high wind.
-
We are more ready to try the untried when what we do is inconsequential. Hence the fact that many inventions had their birth as toys.
-
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
-
A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself.
-
Corduroy pillows: they're making headlines!
-
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
-
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
-
Shiny
-
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always
-
Turtle Wax does wonders for a bald head..... :)
-
Scented or unscented?
-
New car smell..... :)
-
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
-
The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
-
The other line always moves faster.
-
The road to hell is paved with good intentions and littered with sloppy analysis.
-
There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
-
Physicists like to think that all you have to do is say, these are the conditions, now what happens next?
-
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
-
I can't decide if indecision is good or bad.
-
A diet is a system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.
-
A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
-
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.
-
Language is the source of misunderstandings.
-
An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
-
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
-
I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep.
-
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.
-
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
-
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
-
The foolish reject what they see,
not what they think;
the wise reject what they think,
not what they see.
-
Quality is remembered long after the price is forgotten
-
The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.
-
You can often measure a person by the size of his dream
-
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
-
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
-
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.
-
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.
-
You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money
-
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
-
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
-
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
-
You must attain no attainment
-
The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract.
-
A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.
-
If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.
-
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week
-
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
-
Television has raised writing to a new low.
-
I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it.
-
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
-
There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship
-
Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.
-
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
-
We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.
-
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
-
I have run out of sick leave, so I'm calling in dead.
-
I think...therefore I am confused.
-
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
-
If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights!
-
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.
-
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
-
Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.
-
The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another, no special talent for the business of government; they have only a talent for getting and holding office.
-
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
- Doctor Who
-
How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
-
We all want to be famous people, and the moment we want to be something we are no longer free.
-
Do penquins undress before sex?
-
Oh dude no, no, no, that is a disturbing visual, please....... stop .................
-
I was only thinking about that nice Tuxedo they wear..... :)
-
We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.
-
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
-
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
-
I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.
-
I like to spoon after I fork.
-
I told my girlfriend it wouldn't hurt if she shaved off a few pounds, starting with the hair on her back. But you know her, she's as stubborn as an ox, even though she's a mountain goat.
-
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house
-
They were here but they left confused :)
-
Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
-
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-
Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.
-
It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
-
My computer goes down on me more often than my girlfriend.
Quote from "JH" :)
-
The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.
Quote from DA :)
-
LOL what a visual
-
"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
-
Time to bring another buddy home for dinner hummmm.....LOL
-
The more refined and subtle our minds, the more vulnerable they are.
-
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
-
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.
-
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile--hoping it will eat him last.
-
If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
-
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
-
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
-
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.
-
I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean.
-
I always advise people never to give advice.
-
Always drink upstream from the herd.
-
I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
-
A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions--as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all.
-
The only thing I like about rich people is their money.
-
I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
:tearlaugh: :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh:
I've got a feeling a LOT of us will have no problem with this one......
-
Kid to his Dad as they watch TV: "Dad, tell me again how when you were my age you had to walk all the way across the room to change a channel."
-
You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on.
-
A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.
-
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
-
When love is gone, there's always justice.
And when justice is gone, there's always force.
And when force is gone, there's always Mom.
Hi, Mom!
-
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.
-
Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you.
-
It is best to be yourself, imperial, plain and true.
-
No one except a fish knows a fish's heart, no one except a bird follows a bird's trace.
-
Don't borrow someone else's spectacles to view yourself with
-
Health food makes me sick
-
And all this time I thought it was just me thinking that LOL..... :hotdog: :hotdog: :hotdog:
-
"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
-
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
-
If you rest, you rust.
-
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
-
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
-
Home wasn't built in a day.
-
Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.
-
Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
-
A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion.
-
Do not seek for the truth,
Only stop having an opinion.
-
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.
-
The Peter Principle: In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
-
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
-
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
-
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
-
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
-
Patience is the art of hoping
-
Be who you are and be that well.
-
Doing is a quantum leap from imagining
-
At least half the mystery novels published violate the law that the solution, once revealed, must seem to be inevitable.
-
Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long.
-
There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously.
-
When you pass through, no one can pin you down, no one can call you back.
-
Spirited, restive flea,
Become a Buddha
By my hand!
-
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
-
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-
When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.
-
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
-
Love is a state in which a man sees things most decidedly as they are not.
-
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
-
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
-
A poem is no place for an idea.
-
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.
-
When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.
-
I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
-
I must be dating the same woman..... :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh:
-
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
-
The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.
-
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
-
To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist.
-
True knowledge is not attained by thinking. It is what you are; it is what you become.
-
A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
-
A pessimist is one who, when he has a choice of two evils, chooses both.
-
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
-
Pleasure is the carrot dangled to lead the ass to market; or the precipice.
-
It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference.
-
Whoever is happy will make others happy too.
-
When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.
-
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
-
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
-
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
-
The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
-
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
-
The world is still profound
and in its depths
Man sits and studies silence
and himself...
-
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper.
-
If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?
-
In a speech this week, California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said that America needs to work together to conserve oil. Then Arnold lit a cigar and drove over the crowd in his Hummer.
-
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
-
How do you know love is gone? If you said that you would be there at seven and you get there by nine, and he or she has not called the police yet - it's gone.
-
If there is a supreme being, he's crazy.
-
Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.
-
Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them.
-
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
-
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings
-
When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up a conversation.
-
The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M
-
The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes.
-
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. :)
-
So that is what I am doing wrong
-
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
-
A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.
-
The best way out is always through
-
Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time...
-
A man who leaves home to mend himself and others is a philosopher; but he who goes from country to country, guided by the blind impulse of curiosity, is a vagabond.
-
My philosophy: find what it is you want to say, walk in the room, say it, and get the hell out. (Second philosophy behind that one: when in doubt, roll in a grenade and come in firing.)
-
The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskevà(ΠαÃÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂαÃκεÃÂÂÂÂ…ή) (meaning Friday), and dekatreÃÂÂÂÂÂs (δεκαÄÃÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂείÂ) (meaning thirteen), attached to phobÃÂÂÂÂÂa (Æοβία) (meaning fear). This is a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, a simple phobia (fear) of the number thirteen, and is also known as friggatriskaidekaphobia. The term triskaidekaphobia was derived in 1911 and first appeared in a mainstream source in 1953.
-
The actual origin of the superstition, though, appears also to be a tale in Norse mythology. Friday is named for Frigga, the free-spirited goddess of love and fertility. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity, Frigga was banished in shame to a mountaintop and labeled a witch. It was believed that every Friday, the spiteful goddess convened a meeting with eleven other witches, plus the devil - a gathering of thirteen - and plotted ill turns of fate for the coming week. For many centuries in Scandinavia, Friday was known as "Witches' Sabbath.
-
According to the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina, an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the United States are affected by a fear of this day. Some people are so paralyzed by fear that they avoid their normal routines in doing business, taking flights or even getting out of bed. "It's been estimated that [US]$800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day". Despite this, representatives for both Delta and Continental Airlines say that their airlines don't suffer from any noticeable drop in travel on those Fridays.
-
Writing well mean never having to say, 'I guess you had to be there.'
-
Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised.
-
Art is science made clear.
-
If God had wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn't have given us arms.
-
Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way.
-
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
-
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-
What, at this moment, is lacking?
-
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-
"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."
-
"Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort of antipathy, or opposing passion. Each strives to be the other, and both together make up one whole."
-
"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them".
-
Nice One LadyA.... :Cup:
Friendship is Love without his wings.
-
How many people live on the reputation of the reputation they might have made?
-
A man can wait for the right girl to come along, but in the meantime that still doesn't mean he can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.
-
Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.
-
Never floss with a stranger.
-
Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.
-
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
-
On Centering
Lie down as if dead. Or if very angry, stay angry. Stare without moving an eyelash. Or suck on something and become the sucking.
Shiva
-
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
-
Perfection is only found in the mind.....trying to get it out is impossible.....
-
Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic person and say, "Who do you think you are?"
-
Forget health clinics and gyms. Sex is the best cure. One good night of sex and your problems are gone.
-
The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.
-
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
-
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
-
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
-
He did each single thing as if he did nothing else.
-
The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.
-
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
-
Dreams are necessary to life.
-
It's not a matter of whether or not someone's watching over you. It's just a question of their intentions.
-
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
-
We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.
-
When you try to understand everything, you will not understand anything. The best way is to understand yourself, and then you will understand everything.
-
Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
-
The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night.
-
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone.
-
Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax
-
I have always said that if I were a rich man, I would employ a professional praiser.
-
Buy land. They've stopped making it.
-
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
-
To choose is also to begin.
-
Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time.
-
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
-
I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed.
-
Seize from the moment its unique novelty, and do not prepare your joys.
-
Be faithful to that which exists within yourself
-
:tearlaugh: RFT
-
Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
-
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.
-
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. :)
-
To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
-
Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.
-
Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
-
God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose.
-
Education is the transmission of civilization.
-
Hook me up with a great photographer, a clever stylist and an expert retoucher, and together we create a beautiful illusion.
-
Programming is like sex: One mistake and you support it a lifetime.
-
The trouble with being punctual is that there's nobody there to appreciate it.
-
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
-
There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.
-
My work is a game, a very serious game.
-
Lead, follow, or get out of the way
-
Guess if you can, choose if you dare
-
If you are not happy here and now,
you never will be.
-
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
-
Great part of being a grownup, you never have to do anything.
-
Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.
-
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
-
Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing
-
Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.
-
Scientists are saying that in the future we will be able to have sex with robots. I tried that once. It was horrible. Right in the middle I had to call tech support.
-
The word "happiness" would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
-
What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.
-
For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
-
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
-
Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
-
I do not know which makes a man more conservativeâ€â€ÂÂÂÂto know nothing but the present, or nothing but the past.
-
Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face.
-
Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings.
-
We are all deep in a hell each moment of which is a miracle
-
Every day, priests minutely examine the
Dharma
And endlessly change complicated sutras.
Before doing that, though, they should learn
how to read the love letters sent by the wind
and the rain, the snow and the moon.
-
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing
there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
-
So in theory, If one drinks :odouls-6pack: ....One is going to HELL....... :thud:
-
Darn I thought I heard :sake: guess I need to clean my ears :tearlaugh:
-
Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
-
Save the Trees?...Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
-
The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns.
-
We make ourselves up as we go.
-
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.
-
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
-
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
-
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from the smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
-
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.
-
With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'
-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
-
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
-
Can't nothin' make your life work if you ain't the architect.
-
Blow of an axe
pine scent,
the winter woods.
-
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
-
Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
-
Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog.
-
There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else.
-
Conceit is God's gift to little men.
-
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
-
To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage. Confucius
-
I once knew a girl.......Damn.....I forgot what I was going to say..... :thud:
-
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde
-
Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality.
-
No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.
-
Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.
-
If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.
-
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
-
Some of the longest hours of the day follow the question: "Have you got a minute?"
-
For those who understand no explanation is needed
For those who don't no explanation will suffice.
-
I read part of it all the way through
-
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their makers.
-
Foot: A special device for finding furniture in the dark.
-
It's not easy having Dyslexia. Last week I went to a toga party as a goat.
-
A watermelon that breaks open by itself tastes better than one cut with a knife.
-
It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
-
Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one.
-
Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist.
-
When an ordinary man attains knowledge, he is a sage; when a sage attains understanding, he is an ordinary man.
-
We would rather be ruined then changed,
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment
And let our illusions die.
-
Lovely snowflakes,
they fall nowhere else!
-
Thinking is more interesting than knowing, but less interesting than looking.
-
:@u: you just know it be true dude
-
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-
LOL
-
:tearlaugh: :tearlaugh: No wonder you and "J" get along so good.....His Sake misses his food also.....
-
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
-
No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.
-
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
-
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
-
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
-
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
-
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
-
And it is people like that who assure those of us who understand electricity a job............LOL
-
LOL....Yup......
I may need you to come up here and rewire my computer room......My Battery Back up is having a hernia and I can only use so many extension cords.....LOL
-
Oh God :thud:
-
The manner of giving is worth more than the gift
-
Fate loves the fearless
-
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
-
The more you know the less you need to say
-
If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
-
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
-
It wasn't until I got divorced that I understood the value of money.
-
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
-
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. :)
-
To be or not to be. That's not really a question
-
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
-
A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.
-
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
-
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
-
The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
-
Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some useful hints for the better ordering of the universe.
-
The seeing have the world in common
Herakleitos
-
Pine trees and strange rocks remain unknown to those who look for mind with mind
-
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. :)
-
A man said to the universe:
"Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the universe,
The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.
-
Some Have Psychologists, Some Have Sportologists  I Smoke
-
[Al Capone protesting IRS claiming big sums of unpaid back tax]
They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money.
-
I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.
-
The truth is always a compound of two half- truths, and you never reach it, because there is always something more to say.
-
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
-
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
-
It is not the answer that enlightens,
but the question.
-
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. ~ Jimmy Carter
-
You create your opportunities by asking for them.
-
Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
-
Fun times are defined by how bad your head hurts the day after :thud:
-
If there is a catalogue of errors how come there is not a catalogue of correctness :)
-
If infinity is boundless how do you know if you got there or not :catchase:
-
If the statement is correct and an immoveable object being struck an unstoppable object would result in total destruction of the universe.
And by there own addition Women are an immoveable and unstoppable if scorned how come we are all still here.
:@u:
-
We know how to duck and hide....... :thumb_up:
-
We are generally the better persuaded by the reasons we discover ourselves than by those given to us by others.
-
I have seen the future and it doesn't work.
-
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.
-
It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.
-
A man who leaves home to mend himself and others is a philosopher; but he who goes from country to country, guided by the blind impulse of curiosity, is a vagabond.
-
Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.
-
One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal. Soon we'll need a new definition.
-
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
-
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-
The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything.
-
To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state.
-
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
-
The universe is represented in an atom, in a moment of time.
-
And here I thought one "J" was enough..... :)
-
You do know you just made his day.....
Month.......
Year.........
:)
-
Pretty soon we won't have nothing for the Government to taketh away.......
-
They taketh then come back for the dust left behind. :catchase:
-
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
-
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
-
Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.
-
Gazing up at the stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe.
-
If a man should conquer in battle a thousand and a thousand more, and another man should conquer himself, his would be the greater victory, because the greatest of victories is the victory over oneself.
-
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
-
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.
-
I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's another thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
-
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.
-
When you blame others, you give up your power to change
-
We must make the best of those ills which cannot be avoided.
-
Ruffles have ridges.....so does toilet paper.
-
Only when you use a "excessively large" amount in short period of time, :tearlaugh:
-
Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.
-
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.
-
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
-
Outside every thin girl is a fat man trying to get in.
-
Nothing risque, nothing gained.
-
Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.
-
Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit
-
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
-
There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.
-
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
-
There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.
And they prove that point more and more each term.........
-
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
-
If a program is useful it will be changed, if it is useless, it will be documented.
-
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
-
Incompetence is a double-edged banana.
-
Too right
-
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
-
A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
-
Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?
-
Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power.
-
How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality.
-
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-
The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one's own self.
-
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
-
Reputation is character minus what you've been caught doing.
-
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
-
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
-
People fail forward to success.
-
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
-
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
-
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
-
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
-
Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
-
Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.
-
Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.
-
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
-
The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealized past.
-
If enlightenment is not where you are standing, where will you look?
-
Apparent failure may hold in its rough shell the germs of a success that will blossom in time, and bear fruit throughout eternity.
-
Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are
-
To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job
-
"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry.
-
"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson
-
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
-
If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
-
The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.
-
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
-
Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
-
In rain during a dark night, enter that darkness.
-
Home wasn't built in a day.
-
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
-
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
-
Any war that requires the suspension of reason as a necessity for support is a bad war.
-
The only obligation to which in advance we may hold a novel, without incurring the accusation of being arbitrary, is that it be interesting.
-
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
-
The wind blows hard among the pines toward the beginning
of an endless past.
Listen: you've heard everything.
-
I'm erecting a barrier of simplicity between myself and the world.
-
To think of losing is to lose already.
-
Who is more busy than he who hath least to do?
-
You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light.
-
I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.
-
OK....I'm going to start doing something new on Saturdays.....it's called....."MAKE EM UP YOURSELF".........
No canned "Thoughts of the Day".....but Original ones from you........
So here is my first.......
To stop waste.....use diapers twice....... :)
-
My buck is worth two cents now.......
-
Taxes.....The process of collecting from the rich and giving to the rich.
-
Ah the art of conversation without saying a word, exquisite
-
What you get free costs too much.
-
We live in the land of the free......Of course we have to pay for that with taxes...... :thud:
-
Read over your compositions, and wherever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.
-
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
-
Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukulele.
-
I always have a quotation for everything - it saves original thinking.
-
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. ~Brooke Shields :thud:
-
I dream for a living.
-
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
-
But then you began to enjoy them..... :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh:
-
If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen, then why when you squeeze an orange doesn't it become squozen?
-
How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?
-
Ever wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?
-
Don't strain yourself on that one....:tearlaugh:
-
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
-
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
-
The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it.
-
Tis very certain the desire for life
Prolongs it.
-
Life is short.....and can end at any time.....Enjoy the day for each one counts.
-
How true and oh so very sad
-
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-
The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us.
-
A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.
-
Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
-
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
-
The Doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, "Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy."
-
Old Professors never die, they merely lose their faculties.
-
Psychic, n. - An individual having an uncanny, seemingly supernatural, talent for extracting money from morons.
-
The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments.
-
Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
-
Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.
-
Doing a job badly and then getting someone in to sort it out can be much more expensive than getting someone in to do the job properly in the first place.
Do you hear that Washington?
-
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.
- Winston Churchill
-
I spent 90% of my money on woman and drink. The rest I wasted. :)
-
How true
-
These days an income is something you can't live without--or within.
-
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.
-
Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
-
What counts is not the years in your life but the life in your years.
-
The mind of which we are unaware is aware of us.
-
To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.
-
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up
-
A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
-
It would not be at all strange if history came to the conclusion that the perfection of the bicycle was the greatest incident of the nineteenth century.
-
The sound of a kiss is not as loud as a cannon but its echo last a lot longer.
-
Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.
-
Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
-
Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.
-
Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.
Actually, I think they shovel something else a lot more...... :waveass: :)
-
Ehem yes but you know me every once in a great while I try to be "discreet" and decorous.....See I can say that with a straight face.
-
Ahhhhh.....I got it now.....You put them up cause you know I'LL be just as Discreet and Decorous as you..... :)
-
cough...cough...yes that's right, uh huh...you got it
-
Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.
-
The man who has no imagination has no wings.
-
People who lean on logic and philosophy and rational exposition end by starving the best part of the mind.
-
Shhhhh.....Don't tell "J" that.....He thinks his screwdriver looks cool in his screwdriver holster.....
-
LOL.....I have a friend that did that with his daughters laptop.....She had so many viruses and crap on the hard drive it took an hour to boot up...and she took it to him to clean up....and he did....Right out the window it went..... (His office is on the third floor of his house) (Unfortunately, insurance didn't cover the damage) (More unfortunate...she was a college student and needed a laptop...so this really cost him LOL)
-
Damn....I never have that kind of fun.....LOL
-
LOL
No wonder I build my own and pay attention to where I go and why it has never taken that long to boot up. Well one did but then again I got that one from the old man who had no clue what he was doing then and to the best of my knowledge still doesn't, last time I looked he was still running Win95. Need I say more.
-
My life is like a zombie movie! I survive game after game after game, but the football just keeps coming! The only way to stop team sports is to aim for the head.
-
The greatest mistake is trying to be more agreeable than you can be.
-
A chess genius is a human being who focuses vast, little-understood mental gifts and labors on an ultimately trivial human enterprise.
-
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
-
Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
-
The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.
-
A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.
-
You always have a choice, even if it is only a choice of your attitude.
-
Positive anything is better than negative thinking.
-
Misery is a communicable disease.
-
Losing an illusion
makes you wiser
than finding a truth
-
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
-
You can’t be late until you show up.
-
Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven’t sent one out.
-
I object to anything that divides the two sexes. My main point is this: human development has now reached a point at which sexual difference has become a thing of altogether minor importance. We make too much of it; we are men and women in the second place, human beings in the first.
-
Cynically speaking, one could say that it is true to life to be cynical about it.
-
It is not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone else with them.
-
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
-
There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.
-
What about us over 50 that they already eliminated do we get our $1 million?
LOL
No really do I get my million also?
-
I'll Share :)
-
BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED
FOR THEY ARE THE ONES
WHO LET IN THE LIGHT!
-
So would I
And too right on the other comment
-
Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them.
-
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
-
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
-
Life is short and so is money.
-
Time is an illusion, lunchtime, doubly so.
-
I’m serious; it was only a joke.
-
I was going to go skydiving....but someone told me I needed a parachute.......Forget it......
-
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-
If you wear a silly hat, everyone knows who you are. :)
-
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
-
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
-
The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.
-
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
-
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
-
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
-
"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled."
-
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there
-
Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we trust the economy of our country and our banking system to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey.
-
You have got to be kidding, that is very disturbing, how could one not make money running a whore house and selling whiskey? That is just to difficult to contemplate
-
Would I lie to you.....Take a peek right HERE (http://www.lasvegasmikey.com/mustang.htm)
-
Apparently not what a read
-
You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus
-
Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility.
-
You see things; and you say, Why? But I dream things that never were; and I say, Why not?.
-
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
-
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
-
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
-
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed
-
Hummmmmm.......Nope.........
Guess I gotta get out of bed........ :blusher:
-
Damn they be some good ones LadyA
-
Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his.
-
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
-
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders.
-
It is much easier to become a father than to be one.
-
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
-
I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me.
-
Disturbing
-
Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom
-
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
-
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
-
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
-
For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
-
Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
-
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
-
What is the Way?
In a dead tree, a dragon sings.
-
The mind, the Buddha, living creatures----these are not three different things.
-
Strike your own evening drum, morning bell,
then shut the door.
Lamp burning low by a solitary pillow;
gray ashes where just now you stirred
the stove to red.
Lie and listen to raindrops splattering the window.
-
Or Snowflakes pounding the walls....... :) :thud:
-
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
-
The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet.
-
The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the circulation of their blood.
-
You have become a mature person when keeping a secret gives you more satisfaction than passing it along.
-
When you are going to be a good lover, you should learn how to get hurt.
-
A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
-
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind.
-
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
-
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
-
Here's a tip to avoid death by celebrity: First off, get a life. They can't touch you if you're out doing something interesting.
-
The world only goes round by misunderstanding.
-
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
-
Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.
-
They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
-
Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.
-
Silence propagates itself, and the longer talk has been suspended, the more difficult it is to find anything to say.
-
The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question.
-
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
-
Mind is not Buddha,
knowledge is not the Way.
-
Painful it is indeed,
Passing through the world;
But in a hovel like this,
I live on in peace and quiet,
Winter rain falling.
-
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
-
Driving a Bar Stool at high speed is not very bright.....especially if you get into an accident...... (True fact....)
-
I am afraid to ask how one "drives" a barstool
-
Watch your news tonight.....It's a true story......and the bar stool is truly motorized.....and he's going to fight the DUI in court......
-
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.
-
Friends don’t let friends drive naked.
-
None are so busy as the fool and knave.
-
There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.
-
I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
-
If it is not paradoxical,
it's not true.
-
When you look up from your typewriter, look at the trees, not the calendar.
-
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
-
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
-
The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.
-
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
-
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
-
For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don’t want to learn much.
-
LOL I am thinking that about 20 of them are in the class I teach
-
When I saw this, that was the first thing I thought of....... :) :) :)
-
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
-
To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.
-
Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.
-
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.
-
The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting.
-
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
-
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
-
Why is it that the good things are always hard but the bad things are so easy?
-
The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
-
The whole point of getting things done is knowing what to leave undone.
-
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
-
Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.
-
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
-
Don't you wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work.
-
Our lives...are but a little while, so let then run as sweetly as you can, and give no thought to the grief from day to day. For time is not concerned to keep our hopes, but hurries on its business, and is gone.
-
Spring rain----
the girl is teaching the cat to dance.
-
The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
-
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.
-
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
-
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
-
Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
-
Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
-
People who think the world revolves around them have no sense of direction
-
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.
-
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.
-
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
-
You may have heard people repeat what I have said, 'Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.' Yes, sir, it's mostly hard work.
-
A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening ear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.
-
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
-
Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore.
-
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-
There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
-
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
-
All this world is
in your own mind.
-
Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.
-
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned
-
The 1960's were when hallucinogenic drugs were really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the shows then like The Flying Nun.
-
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
-
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
-
It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead.
-
Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
-
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
-
"When nature has work to be done, she creates a genius to do it."
-
With age comes wisdom ya right so do senility
-
A wise man once said after pee do up fly
-
But another wise man replied no after Pee come's Q
-
"At times I think and at times I am."
-
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
-
Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
-
All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.
-
"Genius - means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way."
-
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
-
All diseases run into one, old age.
-
The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.
-
It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.
-
Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology.
-
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
-
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
-
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
-
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
-
No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.
-
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
That makes two of us :thud:
-
I am a deeply superficial person.
-
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
-
If there were no God, there would be no Atheists.
-
She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table.
-
Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.
-
My grandmother's 90; she's dating a man 93. They never argue: they can't hear each other.
-
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
-
Two Dallas women opened a marina. They ran the best little oarhouse in Texas.
-
There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
-
Discretion is not the better part of biography.
-
Free advice is worth the price.
-
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-
I have been to the promise land of life and the promise land of death. Sometimes I get the two confused.
-
A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.
-
Decorate yourself from the inside out.
-
"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience."
-
I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.
-
The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.
-
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
-
The mistake a lot of politicians make is in forgetting they've been appointed and thinking they've been anointed.
-
Half a truth is better than no politics.
-
ARE YOUR TAXES DONE USA?????
-
Of course not ............they owe us...................still
-
A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.
-
The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.
-
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
-
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
-
If there is to be any peace, it will come through being, not having
-
I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything.
-
What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Bart Simpson
-
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
-
Humankind cannot stand very much reality.
-
All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
-
If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the appearance of doing something.
-
I take a nap
making the mountain water
pound the rice.
-
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
-
It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours
-
Giving up smoking is easy...I've done it hundreds of times.
-
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
-
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
-
When you're through changing, you're through.
-
When you come right down to it, all you have is yourself. The sun is a thousand rays in your belly. All the rest is nothing.
-
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
-
Introducing 'Lite' - The new way to spell 'Light', but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
-
Statistics are just like mini-skirts, they give you good ideas but hide the most important thing.
-
My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procastrinate. I said: 'just wait!'
-
Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.
-
The road to hell is paved with adverbs.
-
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
-
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.
-
You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.
-
All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse.
-
Like late milk weed that blooms
beside the lonely
And sunlit stone, peace bloomed
all afternoon.
-
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
-
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
-
Is there life before coffee?
-
"I have a love interest in every one of my films - a gun."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
-
If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had.
-
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
-
The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.
-
Look at all the buses now that want exact change, exact change. I figure if I give them exact change, they should take me exactly where I want to go.
-
Journalism is merely history's first draft.
-
If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
-
The bird's delirium does not interest the trees.
-
There is nothing more uncommon than common sense.
-
Ke-bukai mono wa iro-bukai. A hairy person is sexy. :)
-
Hmmmmmm........Where are my toupees
-
Voice.......A sound that is heard by only those that want to hear it.
-
Babys - The gift that keeps on giving........From more places then desired....... :)
-
Ko wa sangai no kubikase. Children yoke parents to the past, present, and future. :)
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A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
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History is more or less bunk.
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The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
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Laws are rules that were thoughts that became rules then became laws.
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Think with the whole body
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Through kindness, you can change your fate.
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If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.
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Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
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If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
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LOL methinks I would split the poor things apart, either that or I will never be able to walk again due to the mangling of my poor feet :tearlaugh:
How about I just watch you walk in them and you tell me all about yourself.
Your shoes stay intact and my feet won't require reconstructive surgery.
Win - win situation.
Maybe Kianna would walk in them she has a "delicate" foot.....................
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Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
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I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.
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In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
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It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.
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I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
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I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.
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Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
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A diet is a system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.
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My eye was caught by an article for a new hearing aid "that lets you hear only what you want". Nothing revolutionary there. Politicians have been wearing them for years.
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Feed a fever, starve a cold. Lightly sup with rickets.
- Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata
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There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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"Fate keeps on happening."
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As my eyes search the prairie
I feel the summer in the spring.
Chippewa song
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Mi o Koroshite Jin o Nasu. One becomes virtuous by subduing the body.
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Sometimes virtues are a waste of time.....unless your virtuous
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You don't know a women till you've met her in court.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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England is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.
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It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally affirmative.
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I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can't read any poetry.
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The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
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Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
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Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal
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"It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance."
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Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in.
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By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
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Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
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I bet a lot of mimes choke to death because nobody believes they're really choking.
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They may call me weak. They may call me scrawny. I prefer to think of myself as a Gap commercial candidate.
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These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I’m going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I’m going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I’ll figure out how to do it.
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Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.
- Ronald Reagan
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If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life.
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It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
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"My ex-wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"
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:tearlaugh:
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It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
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In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he’s lonely.
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When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
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The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
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I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you.
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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
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Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
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To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all.
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When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest.
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It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree.
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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Man has will, but woman has her way.
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Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children.
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I love to go to Washington, if only to be nearer my money.
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Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student.
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Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
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With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.
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We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.
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A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
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The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it.
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We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
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The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
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Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes.
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The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.
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If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
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Virtue is its own punishment.
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"Today the real test of power is not capacity to make war but capacity to prevent it."
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I've never seen a monument erected to a pessimist.
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The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.
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I'm not against half-naked girls...well, not as often as I'd like to be.
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Hear, hear
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"He is most powerful who has power over himself."
-Seneca the Younger (5?B.C. - A.D. 65)
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Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.
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No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.
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To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
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The more flesh you show, the higher up the ladder you go.
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A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.
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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
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Sometimes nuts feel like nuts.....and sometimes they don't.......We can shelldom see the difference
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Belly Dancers never have lint in their belly button......
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There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher.
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Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
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All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
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Outside of poetry there is no Zen,
outside of Zen there is no poetry.
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Only after the peony
Had scattered and fallen
Did it stand there in its glory.
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Simplicity is the most difficult thing to secure in this world; it is the last limit of experience and the last effort of genius.
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Smell the roses if you can.......If you can't......
Blow your nose......
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Definition of Sex....The Quicker Picker Upper
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Definition of Humble......Unsmug
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In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.
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I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
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Today is "MAKE UP YOUR OWN THOUGHTS" day. No cutting or pasting ........ Just use your imagination....... :)
I believe my Daughter goes on line to find her boyfriends at "DUMBER THEN A ROCK, LIVING WITH MOMMY AND DADDY, HAVE NO CAR OR CASH. Com"
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When the sun rises in the morning....so do my spirits.....I live another day.
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Flowers - Earths painted background.
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That explains why she hasn't found me on line then I fall under none of the above.
:tearlaugh:
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In an utter emptiness
anything can take place.
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The world can only be grasped by action, not by contemplation.
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If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon.
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People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
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My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.
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As far as I am concerned I regret nothing
Mitamoto Musashi, The Samurai
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An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather.
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I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.
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Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology.
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Dynamite.....The real suppository for curing constipation
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.
- Albert Einstein
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The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth.
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I discovered the secret of the sea in mediation upon the dewdrop.
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The weather is like the government, always in the wrong.
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Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
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Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
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It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it.
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Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
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A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
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It doesn't matter who you are or where you've come from. You can achieve great things and make a difference in this world. You only need to believe in yourself enough, and you do that by reaching your goals one step at a time.
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I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000 a week.
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I voted Republican this year, the Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth.
Monica Lewinsky
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Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
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Light travels faster than sound.. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.
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Television is for appearing on - not for looking at.
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We are at the very beginning of time for the human race. It is not unreasonable that we grapple with problems. But there are tens of thousands of years in the future. Our responsibility is to do what we can, learn what we can, improve the solutions, and pass them on.
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Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.
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Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
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I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
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The worst drivers are women in people carriers, men in white vans and anyone in a baseball cap. That's just about everyone.
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Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
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Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
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We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.
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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
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Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.
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It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.
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I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.
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Never take a blind date to a silent film.
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A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
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Every man, wherever he goes, is encompassed by a cloud of comforting convictions, which move with him like flies on a summer day.
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Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
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The knowledge beyond knowledge is my knowledge
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Far away in the depths of the mountains
Wandering here and there I carry no thought
When spring comes I watch the birds,
In summer I bathe in the running stream,
In autumn I climb the highest peaks;
During the winter I am warming up in the sun
Thus I enjoy the real flavor of the seasons.
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You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
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You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
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You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
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You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.
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You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
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Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.
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I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist.
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An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarred from talking of his own dear person.
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticize it.
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The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
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Pity your boss. The poor guy has to get up early to see who comes in late.
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According to obituary notices, a mean and useless citizen never dies.
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Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there.
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The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
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Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.
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I have a dog that's half pitbull, half poodle. Not much of a guard dog, but a viscious gossip.
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There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.
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"I never feel age. If you have creative work, you don't have age or time."
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
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Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
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The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
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The most palpable description of bread is that of hunger.
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Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
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Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I've forgotten this before.
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It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames.
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LOL
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We are the people our parents warned us about.
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My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.
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When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
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I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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The weather is like the government, always in the wrong.
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:tearlaugh: a movie about a giraffe :tearlaugh:
Oh that is so rich
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Would you believe I asked for my money back...????
Probably not huh....... :) :)
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From you yes I believe it
"tearlaugh:
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I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
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The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not.
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What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.
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"Years do not always make age."
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The iris pond has flowered
Before the old temple;
I sell tea this evening
By the water's edge.
It is steeped in the cups
With the moon and stars;
Drink and wake forever
From your worldly sleep.
Baisao
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Now that I like "J"....very very nice...... :)
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One can almost see the picture drawn by the words.
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I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
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I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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Under the leaves
Of a morning glory:
Cat's eyes.
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I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.
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Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
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You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
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That be an elusive expression to say the least....I haven't seen it either
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
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It never hurts to ask. Unless you ask for hurt.
- Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata
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To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood.
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A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not.
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Like a sword the cuts
but cannot cut itself;
like an eye that sees but
cannot see itself.
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They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
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The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.
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The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.
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There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
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The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.
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We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.
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Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
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There is nothing more uncommon than common sense.
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Nothing risque, nothing gained.
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I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
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There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."
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"Philosophy is the product of wonder."
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We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
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There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
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All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.
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me three
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Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
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People find life entirely too time-consuming.
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Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
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We accept the graceful falling
Of mountain cherry blossoms,
But it is much harder for us
To fall away from our own
Attachment to the world.
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Philosophy is not a theory but an activity.
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You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
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A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
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My ex-wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
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"As a human being, you have no choice about the fact that you need a philosophy. Your only choice is whether you define your philosophy by a conscious, rational, disciplined process of thought and scrupulously logical deliberation - or let your subconscious accumulate a junk heap of unwarranted conclusions, false generalizations, undefined contradictions, undigested slogans, unidentified wishes, doubts and fears, thrown together by chance, but integrated by your subconscious into a kind of mongrel philosophy and fused into a single, solid weight: self-doubt, like a ball and chain in the place where your mind's wings should have grown.""Philosophy is not a theory but an activity."
-Ayn Rand, 1982
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It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.
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Beware the lollipop of mediocrity; lick it once and you'll suck forever.
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A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent men become.
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Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday'
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If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians.
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In the space age the most important space is between the ears.
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Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.
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When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained.
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A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
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A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized
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A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on
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Borrowed Garments Never Fit Well
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Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
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You give my regards to St. Peter, or whoever has his job, but in Hell.
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The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.
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Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense, differing from the latter only as a veteran may differ from a raw recruit: and its methods differ from those of common sense only as far as the guardsman's cut and thrust differ from the manner in which a savage wields his club.
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Corporations have neither bodies to be punished nor souls to be damned
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Dont make love at the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbours aint
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Every Ass Loves to Hear Himself Bray
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They succeed, because they think they can.
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I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
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Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.
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The reverse side also has a reverse side.
- Japanese Proverb
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Think enough and you won't know anything.
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For your information, I would like to ask a question.
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Can I question the answer that you asked?
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One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.
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It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
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Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
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Biography lends to death a new terror.
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Our fallen have laid their lifes on the line for your life of Freedom. Honor them soundly.
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A soldier is away from home not because he is forced to.....but because he wants to. He has family also which he wants to be free from theat.
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Thanks be to all that are fighting for us now and those who have done so in the past...... We honor you and we thank you
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What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole, its body brevity, and wit its soul.
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It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination.
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I wonder if angels believe in ghosts.
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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?
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I bet the one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
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What is so common about common sense if people don't use their common sense?
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If common sense was common then why doesn't everybody have it?
:thud:
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Only common people have common sense....everyone else is uncommon.......
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Well that explains me then
:tearlaugh:
sort of
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I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
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This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book - it makes a very poor doorstop.
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If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
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I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.
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I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.
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I've never seen electricity, so I don't pay for it. I write right on the bill, "I'm sorry, I haven't seen it all month."
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The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness.
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It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
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The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
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A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
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If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor... so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.. On your mark...
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Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
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Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
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I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.
-
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.
-
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.
-
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
-
You still are :tearlaugh:
-
What I tell you is not a secret.
The secret is in you.
-
We are not makers of history. We are made by history.
-
Very few things can be built straight with the crooked timbers of humanity. :) :thud:
-
Now that be thought provoking
-
Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.
-
'Whom are you?' he asked, for he had attended business college.
-
Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.
-
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
-
hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
-
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
-
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving
-
Ouch! now that is bored.
-
Depends on how low the halter tops are...... :) :) :)
-
Aha so that is how you do it.
-
:)
-
The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.
-
I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
-
The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee.
-
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. So I looked closer. It was made of grass.
-
When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.
-
Droughts happen because God didn't pay his water bill.
-
The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.
-
The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect.
-
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
-
The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.
-
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
-
Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
-
Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge's jokes are always funny.
-
To the right, books; to the left, a tea cup.
In front of me, the fireplace; behind me, the post.
There is no greater happiness than this.
-
More important than learning how to recall things is finding ways to forget things that are cluttering the mind.
-
The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois.
-
We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.
-
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
-
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
-
The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.
-
The trouble with doing right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was!
-
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.
-
You cannot slander human nature; it is worse than words can paint it.
-
The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.
-
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
-
Frustration is not having anyone to blame but yourself.
-
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
-
Remember that silence is somtimes the best answer.
When you say, "I Love You," Mean it.
Some things need doing better than they've ever been done before.
Some just need doing.
Others don't need doing at all.
Know which is which.
-
Good listeners are not only popular everywhere, but after awhile they know something.
-
Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
-
He who pulls the oars does not have time to rock the boat.
-
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without
-
You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
-
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
-
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
-
Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get them, get them right, or they will get you wrong.
-
Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
-
What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
-
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.
-
In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage.
-
Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.
-
Have no fear of perfection.
You'll never reach it.
-
I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
-
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
-
The future will be better tomorrow.
-
(French Translation) - Apéritif: a set of dentures.
-
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
-
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. :java:
-
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter
-
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
-
I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.
-
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
-
Only he who crosses the stream of life ... wishes to know what is known as unknowable.
-
Student: Master, what is the fundamental principle of Buddhism?
Master: There is enough breeze in this fan to keep me cool.
-
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
-
Insanity in individuals is something rare -- but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule.
-
The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.
-
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business
-
You most certainly have that one right. :)
-
Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.
-
Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.
-
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
-
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.
-
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.
-
When its a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.
-
The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all of lives.
-Albert Einstein
-
"Trust one who has gone through it."
-Virgil (70-19 B.C.)
-
Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
-
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
-
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
-
The trouble with being punctual is that there's nobody there to appreciate it.
-
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
-
You know what life really is? You're born, you suck your mother's tits. You get a little older, you suck your girlfriend's tits. You get married, you suck your wife's tits. That's what life is. Life sucks.
-
Hmm and the problem with this is?
-
No problem as far as I can see....... :java: :)
-
Thought as much
Just checking
-
"I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far."
- Mae West
-
The sky of evening
When the gnats begin to mourn-----
How lovely it all is!
-
Trust, which is a virtue, is also a habit, like prayer. It requires exercise. And just as no one can run five miles a day and cede the cardiovascular effects to someone else, no one can trust for us.
-
A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
-
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
-
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
-
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas'.
-
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
-
I used to think that the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I thought, "What part of my body is telling me that?"
-
How my achievements mock me!
- William Shakespeare
-
How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.
-
A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors.
-
According to obituary notices, a mean and useless citizen never dies.
-
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
-
When one door closes another one falls on top of you.
-
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go
-
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
-
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato
-
When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice.
-
In a mad world, only the mad are sane.
-
Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most.
-
The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
-
Only the madman can see the path through the twisted forest
-
Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.
-
The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments.
-
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
-
At night I open the window and ask the moon
to come and press its face against mine.
Breathe into me...Breathe into me.
Close the language door and open the love
window,
the moon won't use the door, only the window.
Jalal-Ad-Din Rumi
-
Not bad....Not bad at all......"LOVE WINDOW"......I kinda like that idea.....as long as it has a lock to keep UNDESIREBLES OUT...... :)
-
The sound of love is like a whisp of silk......Silent unless you get up close.
-
The heart of a child is pure until the parents speak their mind.
-
Clouds of doubt may soak you to the bone......but a lot of hot air from others will soon dry you off.
-
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-Mohandas Gandhi
-
A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
-Mohandas Gandhi
-
There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.
-
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
-
A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time.
-
Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
-
After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.
-
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
-
You've got to take the bitter with the sour.
-
You can be a rank insider as well as a rank outsider.
-
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
-
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-
Confusion say.......Fine words butter no parsnips
-
Confusion Say: Grease is the only cure for a hangover
-
Confusion Say: Have you ever noticed? anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac
-
I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
-
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.
-
Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.
-
Confusion Say: If you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher
-
Confusion Say: Learn to say no It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin
-
Confusion Say: Lots of people confuse bad management with destiny
-
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
-
Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
-
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
-
To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often
-
Confusion Says: Nothing seems expensive on credit
-
Confusion Says: Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale
-
Confusion Say: Possessions dwindle; I mourn their loss But I mourn the loss of time much more, for anyone can save his purse, but none can win back lost time
-
Midnight. No waves,
no wind, the empty boat
is flooded with moonlight.
-
I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
-
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
-
I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.
-
Confusion Say: The ups and downs in life are nothing compared to the downs and downs in life
-
Confusion Say: Smile as hard as you can with tears in your eyes and no one will know your mood.
-
Confusion say: Pickles that are fresh snap loudly.....Men that are fresh get smacked loudly.
-
Too right
-
When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
-
To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter.
-
If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.
-
To become a father is not difficult, but to be a father is.
-
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
-
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!
-
Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone.
-
The artist doesn't have time to listen to the critics. The ones who want to be writers read the reviews, the ones who want to write don't have the time to read reviews.
-
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
-
Confusion Say: "Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."
-
Confusion Say: "Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts."
-
Confustion Say: "Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
-
The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages are perpetuated by quotations.
-
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
-
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
-
In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from.
-
A father must be part of the family in order to be considered a father.....otherwise, it's just a title which means NOTHING.
-
The more one is absorbed in so-called philosophy, the greater one's delusion and blindness.
-
A good father is one that knows his family and tries his best to be understood.
-
Wind moving through the grass so that the grass quivers.
This moves me with an emotion that I don't even understand.
-
HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS THAT PARTAC IN THE LIFE OF THE FAMILY.....YOUR VALUE IS UNLIMITED....AS IS YOUR LOVE
-
HAPPY FATHERS DAY......CAUTION.....DEAD BEAT DADS NEED NOT APPLY
-
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
-
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
-
There are more fools in the world than there are people.
-
I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.
-
The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law.
-
"Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a fish."
-Ovid
-
Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
-
Everything in the universe goes by indirection. There are no straight lines.
-
If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
-
Sounds like the working definition of quantum mechanics
If you understand it then you weren't paying attention
-
:) Same theory indeed.......
-
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
-
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
-
Where observation is concerned, chance favors only the prepared mind.
-
People always seemed to know half of history, and to get it confused with the other half.
-
Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism.
-
Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be.
-
Song of the Trees
The wind
Only
I am afraid of.
- Chippewa Song
-
If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.
-
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
-
If you don’t get lost, there’s a chance you may never be found.
-
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
-
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking.
-
Reality is something you rise above.
-
Zen is the vehicle of reality
-
The more things change, the more they remain... insane.
-
Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad.
-
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
-
Hip hip 200 pages pithy sayings
-
If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four: If it still boring, try it for eight, sixteen, thirty-two, and so on.
Eventually, one discovers that it is not boring but very interesting.
-Zen sying
-
I am free when I am within myself.
-
Decorate yourself from the inside out.
-
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
-
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
-
The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.
-
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
-
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
-
You cant be old and wise if you are not young and crazy.
-
Life is lifes photography, we all develop from negatives.
-
If nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?
-
Kianna says yes
oh check your spelling on the photo one.........LOL
-
2 0 0 Pages and counting........
We sure do have a lot of "Taughts"........ :) :) :)
-
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
-
Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.
-
The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
-
A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
-
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
-
Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.
-
RFT
-
The water is clear right to the bottom,
A fish goes lazily along.
The sky is vast without horizon,
A bird flies far far away.
-
I have as much privacy as a goldfish in a bowl.
-
To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.
-
Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface. But sometimes, there's a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one. Like with pie.
-
Good taste is the worst vice ever invented.
-
If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day.
-
We are more curious about the meaning of dreams than about things we see when awake.
-
Behind every successful woman… is a basket of dirty laundry.
-
Sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
-
I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
-
The more we do, the more we can do
-
To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend.
-
Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there.
-
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
-
There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
-
I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
-
Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
-
I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
-
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.
-
I had an epiphany a few years ago where I was out at a celebrity party and it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to meet a celebrity who is as smart and interesting as any of my friends.
-
St Swithins Day, if thou does rain, for forty days it will remain, St Swithins day if thou be fair for forty days twill rain no more (Damn, I'm talking like "J" now.....Did anyone understand it? :) )
-
Sympathy without relief is like mustard without beef
-
The best advice is found on the pillow
-
Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
-
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
-
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
-
Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor.
-
The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity.
-
And my only claim to fame is that I follow this precept:
Since we cannot know all that there is to be known about anything, we ought to know a little about everything.
-
You owe it to everyone (including yourself) to find pockets of tranquility in your busy world.
-
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.
-
The ride on the highway can be bumpy.......Change the flat as soon as possible......
-
Ask directions only when lost......Which a man will never admit being.....so no directions are ever asked.
-
The stop light.....a device made to speed things up.
-
Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.
-
Exchange is creation.
-
In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right.
-
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.
-
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.
-
The world is fleeting; all things pass away.
Or is it that we pass and they stay?
-
In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.
-
In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
-
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
-
As soon as you try to chase and grab Zen, you've already stumbled past it.
-
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name
-
Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.
-
I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.
-
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
-
All things are difficult before they are easy.
-
My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.
-
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
-
One chance, one encounter
-
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.
The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.
-
Never travel on a full stomach and a empty mind......One of the two will burst if under too much pressure
-
Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.
-
Health food makes me sick
-
The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive.
-
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
-
People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
-
"The less you talk, the more you're listened to
-
Fish is brain food.....Prunes are....Ummmm, Never mind.....
-
A boat is a ship with oars or a sub underwater.....but in no way is it a place to be if you can't swim.
-
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
-
We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.
-
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
-
If man does find the solution for world peace it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his record we have ever known.
-
If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
-
Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.
-
Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.
-
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
-
I have suffered a great deal from writers who have quoted this or that sentence of mine either out of its context or in juxtaposition to some incongruous matter which quite distorted my meaning , or destroyed it altogether.
-
Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all knowledge.
-
Empty-handed, holding a hoe,
Walking, riding a water buffalo.
Man is crossing a bridge;
The bridge but not the river flows.
-
The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity.
-
Polonius: This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
-Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
-
God runs electromagnetism by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
-
He who builds a better mousetrap these days runs into material shortages, patent-infringement suits, work stoppages, collusive bidding, discount discrimination--and taxes."
-
Home is where the heart......My heart is with my folks....but my home is with my family.......
-
If you're not scared or angry at the thought of a human brain being controlled remotely, then it could be this prototype of mine is finally starting to work.
-
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
-
I'm a born-again atheist.
-
If the wrong person preaches a right teaching,
even a right teaching becomes wrong.
If the right person expounds a wrong teaching,
even a wrong teaching becomes right.
-
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
-
Coming and going, life and death:
A thousand hamlets, a million houses.
Don't you get the point?
Moon in the water, blossom in the sky.
-
SWING......A dance, a ride, a feeling, a mood......
-
Confusion says.......Man or women who wear each others clothes saves on clothing bill.
-
TL says......Corn on the cob and false teeth were not made for each other....... :what!!:
-
Patience is the art of hoping.
-
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
-
It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatsoever for supposing it is true.
-
Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good.
-
There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
-
If the Blind Lead the Blind, Both Shall Fall Into the Ditch
-
Love is like a fire, it can either warm your heart or burn your house down
-
Learn from the past, Live for today Look for tomorrow, take a nap this afternoon
-
Political advertising ought to be stopped. It's the only really dishonest kind of advertising that's left.
-
The higher the buildings, the lower the morals.
-
Physicists like to think that all you have to do is say, these are the conditions, now what happens next?
-
I want to write a poem about "Truth," "Honor," "Dignity," and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it.
-
I once got attacked by a bearskin rug, two days before it was a rug.
-
If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I'll bet there'd be a lot more people trying to take pictures of them.
-
Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you.
-
Thankfully that does not apply to you 'J"...... :thud:
-
Harsh......I am so wounded.........:thud:
-
Confusion is always the most honest response.
-
Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
- Putt's Law
-
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-
Grease is the only cure for a hangover
-
Greedy folks have long arms
-
He who rides a tiger is afraid to dismount
-
Speechless before
these budding green
spring leaves
in blazing sunlight.
-
"I feel a recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation."
-
Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
-
All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.
-
Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
-
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.
-
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
-
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
-
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
-
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
-
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
-
"Food for all is a necessity. Food should not be a merchandise, to be bought and sold as jewels are bought and sold by those who have the money to buy. Food is a human necessity, like water and air, and it should be as available."
-
WET......The oppisite of dry......... :java:
-
Smiles are CHEAP.....but the payback is GREAT........
-
If all else fails.......the next attempt probably will also.......
-
Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel."
-
May you live every day of your life.
-
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-
A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping.
-
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
-
I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
-
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
-
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
-
"Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are."
-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826)
-
We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life.
-
Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
-
It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art.
-
Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-
He who stand on toilet, high on pot.
-
If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
-
Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.
-
Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
-
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
-
People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.
-
Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend
-
Never blow up a balloon with your nose. It gets awfully messy when it pops.
-
Vacuum Cleaners Suck.
-
How the meaning of words have changed over time. Depends is a good example....... :thud:
-
Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.
-
Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.
-
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
-
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
-
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
-
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
-
It's a dog eat dog world out there. And they're short on napkins.
-
"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled."
- Plutarch
-
I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
-
Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
-
There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
-
A long lifetime
People and places
And the crisis of mankind-------
What survives is the crystal---
Infinitely small----
Infinitely large----
-
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society
-
Be alert – the world needs more lerts.
-
With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error.
-
The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.
-
There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.
-
Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
-
Sayings remain
meaningless until they
are embodied in habits
-
We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.
-
We should be careful and discriminating in all the advice we give. We should be especially careful in giving advice that we would not think of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to avoid giving counsel which we don't follow when it damages those who take us at our word.
-
Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some useful hints for the better ordering of the universe.
-
If you are trying to aim for it,
you are turning away from it.
-
The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat.
-
The only thing wrong with children is that they grow up to be adults.......who ACT like children...... :thud:
-
:shhhh:
-
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
-
Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her – when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?
-
Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
-
Hummmmm......Now that's deep.....
Do I get a Kiss...... :)
-
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn’t. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
-
An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.
-
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
-
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
-
Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy.
-
Disobedience, the rarest and most courageous of the virtues, is seldom distinguished from neglect, the laziest and commonest of the vices.
-
It is through creating, not possessing, that life is revealed.
-
A bore is a person who, when asked how they are, tells you.
-
If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now.
-
The world is moving so fast these days that the one who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.
-
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
-
Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.
-
Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
-
Man is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness from which he emerges and the infinity in which he is engulfed.
-
First there is a time when we believe everything, then for a little while we believe with discrimination, then we believe nothing whatever, and then we believe everything again - and, moreover, give reasons why we believe.
-
Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
-
Science and art belong to the whole world, and before them vanish the barriers of nationality.
-
Art will remain the most astonishing activity of mankind born out of struggle between wisdom and madness, between dream and reality in our mind.
-
All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
-
It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people.
-
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
-
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
-
To know that you know,
and to know that you don't know
--that is real wisdom.
-
One of the basic causes for all the trouble in the world today is that people talk too much and think too little. They act impulsively without thinking. I always try to think before I talk.
-
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.
-
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
-
LOL.......I was trying to keep up but ended up double posting one.....Geeezzzzz :thud:
-
Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
-
Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.
-
When you start treating people like people, they become people.
-
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
-
It was beautiful and simple, as truly great swindles are.
-
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
-
Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.
-
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
-
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
-
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
-
If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.
-
He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.
-
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
-
First there is a mountain,
Then there is no mountain,
Then there is.
-
Excellence is not an act but a habit. The things you do the most are the things you will do best.
-
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them think, they'll hate you.
-
Put the argument into a concrete shape, into an image, some hard phrase, round and solid as a ball, which they can see and handle and carry home with them, and the cause is half won.
-
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
-
A poem is no place for an idea.
-
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.
-
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
-
The most destructive element in the human mind is fear. Fear creates aggressiveness.
-
Our achievements of today are but the sum total of our thoughts of yesterday. You are today where the thoughts of yesterday have brought you and you will be tomorrow where the thoughts of today take you.
-
Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.
-
I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.
-
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.
-
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
-
History is the present. That's why every generation writes it anew. But what most people think of as history is its end product, myth.
-
The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.
-
Last guys don't finish nice.
-
On horseback half-asleep,
Half-dreaming the moon far off,
Smoke for the morning tea.
-
Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half.
-
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
-
Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.
-
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
-
There are only two families in the world, my old grandmother used to say, the Haves and the Have-nots.
-
Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow.
-
Whoever is happy will make others happy too.
-
Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.
-
Music is essentially useless, as life is.
-
I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it.
-
Judge me not for what I appear to be.....Judge me for what I am.
-
"We’re not like the others, we won’t ever try to be!â€ÂÂÂÂÂ
-
I have half a mind to listen to you.....Fortunately....the other half is blocking you out.
-
Our claim to our own bodies and our world is our catastrophe......
-
Pour new wine into new wineskins
-
Now that be insightful, thank you
-
Living hell is the best revenge.
-
The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.
-
Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
-
A light that burns twice as bright burns half as long and today it seams a little darker in the Attic
-
I always advise people never to give advice.
-
Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.
-
They may call me weak. They may call me scrawny. I prefer to think of myself as a Gap commercial candidate.
-
The mind is a terrible thing to......hummmm......ummmmm...... Hold that thought.....I'll be back in a moment..... :Felix:
-
In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
-
An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
-
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-
Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! ... Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.
-
The most decisive actions of our life ... are most often unconsidered actions.
-
The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.
-
Isn't that the truth
-
No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.
-
Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations.
-
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
-
"The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk."
-
"In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf."
-
"Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time."
-
People are, if anything, more touchy about being thought silly than they are about being thought unjust.
-
A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
-
Everything you can imagine is real.
-
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
-
Meditation is not about some state, but about the meditator. It's not about some activity, or about fixing something, or accomplishing something. It's about ourselves.
-
Never eat with your mouth full.
-
Friends don’t let friends drive naked.
-
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders
-
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
-
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
-
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
-
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
-
Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
-
My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared.
-
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
-
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
-
A poet's treasure consists of words and phrases;
A scholar's days and nights are perfumed with books.
For me, plum blossoms framed by the window is an unsurpassable pleasure;
A stomach tight with cold but still enchanted by snow, the moon, and dawn frost.
-
Where do we come from?
What are we?
Where are we going?
And why am I in this handbasket?
-
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
-
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them
-
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
-
The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is why do I think it's not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.
-
No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
-
Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
-
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind.
-
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
-
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.
-
Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.
-
I don't like composers who think. It gets in the way of their plagiarism.
-
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.
-
Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular.
-
One of the basic causes for all the trouble in the world today is that people talk too much and think too little. They act impulsively without thinking. I always try to think before I talk.
-
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
-
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
- Miss Piggy
-
Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
-
Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
-
Being, not doing, is my first joy.
-
Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
-
Mindful meditation has been discovered to foster the ability to inhibit those very quick emotional impulses.
-
The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge.
-
Love can be sordid only if you work at it.
-
I look at what the phone company does and do the opposite.
-
Newspapermen learn to call a murderer 'an alleged murderer' and the King of England 'the alleged King of England' to avoid libel suits.
-
Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.
-
A myth is an image in terms of which we try to make sense of the world.
-
Over the centuries we have transformed the ancient myths and folk tales and made them into the fabric of our lives. Consciously and unconsciously we weave the narratives of myth and folk tale into our daily existence.
-
In one of life's greatest mysteries, fat people can skinny dip too.
-
Tough times never last, but tough people do.
-
Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.
-
One act of beneficence, one act of real usefulness, is worth all the abstract sentiment in the world.
-
The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.
-
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
-
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
-
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
-
No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.
-
It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations.
-
A life of pleasure makes even the strongest mind frivolous at last.
-
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
-
No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.
-
If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle. :java:
-
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
-
We think in generalities, but we live in detail.
-
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
-
There are only two families in the world, my old grandmother used to say, the Haves and the Have-nots.
-
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
-
The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.
-
If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
-
By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular it cannot be a masterpiece.
-
Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?
-
I hate women because they always know where things are.
-
Intuition comes very close to clairvoyance; it appears to be the extrasensory perception of reality.
-
The major block to compassion is the judgment in our minds. Judgment is the mind's primary tool of separation.
-
If someone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago.
-
Isn't that the truth
-
God help those who do not help themselves.
-
Infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultry.
-
:MARILY: :wigglebutt: :MARILY: :waveass:
-
An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
-
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
-
If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody.
-
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
-
Pessimist: one who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.
-
You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
-
Above the boat
bellies
of wild geese
-
The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good.
-
The smaller the mind the greater the conceit.
- Aesop
-
A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance.
-
We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
-
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
-
The only person who never makes mistakes is the person who never does anything.
-
Ordinary men hate solitude.
But the Master makes use of it, embracing his aloneness, realizing he is one with the whole universe.
-
Isn't that the truth
-
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
-
The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.
-
I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me.
- Chris Rapier
-
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
-
Intuition is a suspension of logic due to impatience.
-
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart.
-
That thou mayest have pleasure in everything,
seek pleasure in nothing
That thou mayest know everything,
seek to know nothing.
That thou mayest possess all things,
seek to possess nothing.
That thou mayest be everything,
seek to be nothing.
St. John of the Cross
-
Cool one "J"...... :thumb_up:
-
I thought is was cool
-
There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.
-
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.
-
Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.
-
A useless life is an early death.
-
To be on a quest is nothing more or less than to become an asker of questions.
-
My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate -- that's my philosophy.
-
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
-
Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him.
-
When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page.
-
One needs something to believe in, something for which one can have whole-hearted enthusiasm. One needs to feel that one's life has meaning, that one is needed in this world.
-
No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.
-
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
-
I don't have to count the voices in my head then do I?
-
Only if their your best friends...... :java:
-
There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.
-
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
-
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
-
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
-
One of the basic causes for all the trouble in the world today is that people talk too much and think too little. They act impulsively without thinking. I always try to think before I talk.
-
Arrogance and rudeness are training wheels on the bicycle of life -- for weak people who cannot keep their balance without them.
-
Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
-
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
-
The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin.
-
I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.
-
Joel: That's the movies, Ed. Try reality.
Ed: No thanks.
-
Politics is made up largely of irrelevancies.
-
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.
-
The sound of water says what I think.
-
Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished.
-
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.
-
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
-
The problem to be faced is: how to combine loyalty to one's own tradition with reverence for different traditions.
-
How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
-
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
-
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.
Lin Yu-T'ang
-
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
-
If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.
.
-
We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.
-
The legs of the crane
have become short
in the summer rain.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot001.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot002.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot003.jpg)
-
No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other.
-
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
-
For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot004.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot005.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot006.jpg)
-
When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.
-
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
-
The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
-
Do not consciously seek enlightenment
-
How bright and transparent the moonlight of wisdom
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot007.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot008.jpg)
-
(http://www.geocities.com/thelufias/julyAugust/tot010.jpg)
-
There are no whole truths; all truths are half- truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.
-
Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything.
-
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
-
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
-
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself.
-
Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!
-
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
-
Ain't that the truth..... :tearlaugh: :yes:
-
When you're through changing, you're through.
-
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
-
If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
-
It may well be that our means are fairly limited and our possibilities restricted when it comes to applying pressure on our government. But is this a reason to do nothing? Despair is nor an answer. Neither is resignation. Resignation only leads to indifference, which is not merely a sin but a punishment
-
Arguments are often like melodramas -- they have a predictable beginning, middle, and end.
-
The true means of being misled is to believe oneself finer than the others.
-
Human models are more vivid and more persuasive than explicit moral commands.
-
When I dance, I dance; when I sleep, I sleep; yes, and when I walk alone in a beautiful orchard, if my thoughts drift to far-off matters for some part of the time for some other part I lead them back again to the walk, the orchard, to the sweetness of this solitude, to myself.
-
Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key.
-
The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.
-
Highly developed spirits often encounter resistance from mediocre minds.
-
Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning.
-
If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
-
Why do writers write? Because it isn't there.
-
If you want to be happy, be.
-
The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught.
-
Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart, for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.
-
The best way out is always through.
-
If you're going through hell, keep going.
-
The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.
-
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time.
-
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
-
The voice of many is usually heard by one.....
-
"Example, the surest method of instruction."
-Pliny the Younger (A.D. 62? - 113?)
-
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
-
There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.
-
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
-
There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.
-
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.
-
We must learn our limits. We are all something, but none of us are everything.
-
"You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips."
-
The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.
-
I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.
-
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
-
There wouldn't be such a thing as counterfeit gold if there were no real gold somewhere.
-
Forty-nine years-
What a din!
Eight-seven springs-
What pleasures!
What's having? Not having?
Dreaming, dreaming.
Plum trees snow-laden:
I'm ready!
Mizuho Ota, death poem
-
In the presence of eternity,
the mountains are as
transient as the clouds.
-
Lying is done with words and also with silence.
-
Truth always rests with the minority, and the minority is always stronger than the majority, because the minority is generally formed by those who really have an opinion, while the strength of a majority is illusory, formed by the gangs who have no opinionâ€â€ÂÂÂÂand who, therefore, in the next instant (when it is evident that the minority is the stronger) assume its opinion ... while Truth again reverts to a new minority.
-
Metaphysics is a dark ocean without shores or lighthouse, strewn with many a philosophic wreck.
-
LOL.....That explains alot.....I'm clearly confused..... :java:
-
God help those who do not help themselves.
-
I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
-
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
-
Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
-
Today is National Shrink Day? Celebrate all psychiatrists and psychologists on the birthday of America's favorite TV shrink, Bob Newhart. Newhart was born on September 5, 1929, at Chicago, Illinois.
-
No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
-
No one can be perfectly free till all are free; no one can be perfectly moral till all are moral; no one can be perfectly happy till all are happy.
-
No one can be perfectly free till all are free; no one can be perfectly moral till all are moral; no one can be perfectly happy till all are happy.
-
Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.
-
Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.
-
A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool.
-
If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
-
The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt.
-
I am a part of all that I have met.
-
"There is a difference between the waiting of the prophet and the standing still of the fool."
-
We're actors - we're the opposite of people.
-
Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.
-
It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste.
-
Round my hut
Even grasses
Suffer from sudden thinness.
-
Arouse the mind without resting it on anything.
-
Without labor nothing prospers.
-
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
-
The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on.
-
Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken.
-
I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.
-
I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
-
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
-
Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it.
-
What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
-
Barack Obama:
Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. And it will leave you unfulfilled.
-
The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.
-
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
-
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
-
We must not allow ourselves to become like the system we oppose.
-
The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.
-
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
-
We are all serving a life sentence in the dungeon of the self.
-
"All good abides with him who waiteth wisely."
-Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
-
I once had a penny for thoughts.....but the tax collector took it......How thoughtless is that....
-
Information Highway........The road to useless knowledge if you don't know the answer before you ask the question.
-
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
-
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.
-
If a thing isn't worth saying, you sing it.
-
Good one LadyA.....A lot of things are divided by zero....but this is the most important.....
-
If there is to be a human future, we must bring ourselves into balanced relationship with one another and the Earth. This requires building economies with heart.
-
We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.
-
I DO REMEMBER....
-
Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.
-
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward.
-
We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know.
-
"Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits."
-Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
-
...The moon hangs in vacant, wide constellations.
Pine cones drop in the old garden.
The senna trees bloom.
The same clear glory extends for ten thousand miles.
-
Each of you is perfect the way you are...and you can use a little improvement.
-
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
-
Honeymooning campers have one intent!
-
Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs
-
Lord....could you imagine a world full of "J's"......
The clothing industry would have to shut down......
The Sake industry would have to triple it's output..
And 3D art and Fractals would be the Main attraction in all museums..... :)
-
Mythbusters proved it and then some..... :java: :)
-
You need a bunch of it and go to the Mythbusters site and you'll see what I mean.....I have it saved cause they also had the one with sawdust creating a blast.
-
Living in Wisconsin that is a everyday event it seems.....
I've been here for darn near 35 years and I have YET to visit a farm......
To damn dangerous for me....LOL.....
If my farmer friends wanted to visit....they came to me....I ain't going NEAR those animals and machines and allergy flying grains ..... :java:
-
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
-
No human thing is of serious importance.
- Plato
-
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
-
No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
-
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
-
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
-
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
-
I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.
-
In great affairs men show themselves as they wish to be seen; in small things they show themselves as they are.
-
From antiquity, people have recognized the connection between naming and power.
-
The least movement is of importance to all nature. The entire ocean is affected by a pebble.
-
Well behaved women rarely make history.
-
It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.
-
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
-
Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
-
1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2. From discord, find harmony.
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
Albert Einstein, Three Rules of Work
-
"Eyes can speak and eyes can understand."
-
No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.
-
Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing
-
Science is what you know. Philosophy is what you don't know.
-
Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.
-
Life is a quest and love a quarrel ...
-
To repeat what others have said, requires education, to challenge it,
requires brains.
-
Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.
-
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
-
1. Never tell everything at once.
-
With confidence, you have won before you have started.
-
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward.
-
America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
-
Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
-
Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
-
Talent ... is most likely to be found among non-conformists, dissenters, and rebels.
-
The beginning of thought is in disagreement -- not only with others but also with ourselves.
-
Words that soak into your ears are whispered....not yelled
-
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
-
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
-
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
-
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
-
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.
-
At the present rate of progress, it is almost impossible to imagine any technical feat that cannot be achieved - if it can be achieved at all - within the next few hundred years.
-
In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.
-
I am going to pose a question, Can you answer?
Please ask your question.
I have already asked it.
I have already answered.
What did you answer?
What did you ask?
I asked nothing.
I answered nothing.
-
Nothing can be sadder then missing out on what you could have had if you knew you would need it.
-
It's better to be then not to be.
-
Seek out what you thought you lost.
-
No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets.
-
There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking.
-
Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
-
Always drink upstream from the herd.
-
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
-
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
-
Is this just a sick coincidence?
2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of
pigs/humans around the globe.
It gets worse........
Next year......
2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?
-
I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so
-
I hate to burst your bubble but your Chinese zodiacal years are wrong. They run in a twelve year cycle.
Starting with the:
Rat
Ox
Tiger
Cat
Dragon
Snake
Horse
Goat
Monkey
Cock (Rooster)
Dog
Boar (Pig)
One there is no year of the Chicken it is the Year of the Cock (Rooster) which was last in the year 2005. I should know I was born in the year of the Cock. The next time it comes around will be the year 2017
The last time it was the Year of the Horse was in 2002 and it will not be the year of the Horse again until 2014.
The last time it was the Year of the Boar (Pig) was in 2007 and it will not come back around until 2019.
It is currently the Year of the Ox
-
Hummmmm.....Blame the Chinese....I got it from their site forum :) :) :)
-
That be odd is al I can say
-
There is no greater importance in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you.
-
Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
-
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men.
-
Got to checking and it was a joke and the blogger got pounded by his own folks LOL.....
Their Calendar is cofusing enough without one of their own confusing it more.....
Good catch...... :java:
-
Task......A never ending chore that seems to be a constant in life.
-
Peace/Piece - A word that sounds the same and almost has the same results.
-
It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
- Aeschylus
-
After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.
-
When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.
-
Deep in the mountains
A single branch of maple
Near the eaves of my hut
Marks the beginning
Of the days of autumn.
-
Each moment presents what happens.
-
You must love the crust of the earth on which you dwell more than the sweet crust of any bread or cake. You must be able to extract nutriment out of a sand-heap. You must have so good an appetite as this, else you will live in vain.
-
Those who dwell, as scientists or laymen, among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.
-
If the earth does grow inhospitable toward human presence, it is primarily because we have lost our sense of courtesy toward the earth and its inhabitants.
-
Silence is one of the great arts of conversation.
-
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.
- Marilyn Monroe
-
What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.
-
The best tonic in the world does not come bottled.....It flows freely from the heart.
-
If the light does not show beneath the door....your either coming in late or early. Don't open the door till your sure which you are.
-
Plunk......The sound of your wallet when it's empty.......
-
I recognize that sound
-
The strokes of the pen need deliberation as much as the sword needs swiftness.
-
Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.
-
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
-
Take care that you never spell a word wrong. Always before you write a word, consider how it is spelled, and, if you do not remember, turn to a dictionary. It produces great praise to a lady to spell well.
-
Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone.
-
I love people. I love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.
-
A superior vessel takes a long time to complete
-Zen proverb
-
The shaping of deeply felt values into meaningful, apposite form, is present in all communities, and will find some means of expressions among all.
-
The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie -- deliberate, contrived and dishonest -- but the myth -- persistent, persuasive and unrealistic
-
As a rule the myth is no explanation of the origin of the ritual to any one who does not believe it to be a narrative of real occurrences, and the boldest mythologist will not believe that.
-
Violence of the tongue is very real - sharper than any knife.
-
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
-
Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain.
- John F. Kennedy
-
My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.
-
An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves.
-
There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-
Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation.
-
I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary, the evil it does is permanent.
-
To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.
-
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
-
I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
-
Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
- Alfred Hitchcock
-
I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.
-
Bleek.....The sound you make when your trying to say EEEK with your mouth full.....
-
Brain....... Jive talk for "Bring on the Rain"
-
Nubble.....what two nubs are
-
When one sees Eternity in things that pass away
and Infinity in finite things,
then one has pure knowledge.
-
Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.
-
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
-
The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.
-
The mere sense of living is joy enough
-
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
-
I don't wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work.
-
Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.
-
You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave.
-
We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin
-
After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-
No one belongs to me;
I belong to no one.
There is no "I" or "mine";
all is blissful aloneness.
The MAHÄ€BHÄ€RATA
-
Life is a candle before the wind.
Japanese Proverb
-
The only way to be truly misogynistic is to be a woman.
-
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
-
Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.
-
I can resist everything except temptation.
-
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.
-
Quality is remembered long after the price is forgotten.
-
Here's a tip to avoid death by celebrity: First off, get a life. They can't touch you if you're out doing something interesting.
-
First you're an unknown, then you write one book and you move up to obscurity.
-
When a thing has been said and well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it.
-
Temptation - The art of saying no
-
Theory is when everything is known and nothing works. Practice is when everything works and nobody knows why. At Microsoft, theory and practice are united: nothing works and nobody knows why.
-
The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
-
"No legacy is so rich as honesty."
- William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
-
Sanity is a madness put to good use.
-
In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.
-
Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
-
Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.
-
Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature.
-
Forget health clinics and gyms. Sex is the best cure. One good night of sex and your problems are gone.
-
Sex isn't the answer.
Sex is the question.
Yes is the answer.
:cheer: :cmereJ: :cheer:
-
I haven't heard "YES" in so long that I'm beginning to wonder if they still say it....... :thud:
-
The sound you hear is no one disagreeing.
That be a word I haven't heard in so many centuries.........:thud:
-
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
-
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
-
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
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My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
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A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation.
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An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
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It takes a certain maturity of mind to accept that nature works as steadily in rust as in roses.
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There comes a time in every man's life and I've had many of them.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- George Burns
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The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'
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Casting my wide gaze
I see neither flowers
Nor crimson leaves:
A solitary fisherman's hut
On the twilight shore
On this summer eve.
-Fujiwara Teika
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The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk.
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"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."
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Of all the things that tax a man's patience, there's nothing to compare with a stuck zipper.
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Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ouch
:thud: :thud: :thud:
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Too right
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The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.
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People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
- Bill Watterson
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Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
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The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.
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There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it.
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When will our consciences grow so tender that we will act to prevent human misery rather than avenge it?
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Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap.
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If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven't used enough.
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A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
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Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them.
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Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
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Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
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Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits.
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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
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If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
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"You can't build a reputation on what you intend to do."
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
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Lifes Tough, get a helmet!
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Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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Learn to depend on yourself by doing things in accordance with your own way of thinking.
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If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx
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The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
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The latest new dance craze is called, "The Politician." It's two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep.
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Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
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Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
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Computers are useless. They can only give you answers
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We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.
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Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
- Erma Bombeck
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If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
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Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don’t want to learn much.
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A good teacher is a master of simplification and an enemy of simplism.
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So that be my problem
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LOL......I just happen to find some great Teaching quotes today........ :)
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
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You can get assent to almost any proposition so long as you are not going to do anything about it.
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If your mouth turns into a knife, it will cut off your lips.
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Quarrels end, but words once spoken never die.
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I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don't.
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A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the remark, "You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing."
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I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
- Mahatma Gandhi
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Who is more busy than he who hath least to do?
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A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
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That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent.
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When a fool is cursed, he thinks he is being praised.
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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
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An American will go to hell for a bag of coffee. :java:
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That explains a lot
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All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
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I love acting. It is so much more real than life.
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I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
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What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.
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Charity is a virtue of the heart, and not of the hands.
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The winning team has a dedication. It will have a core of veteran players who set the standards. They will not accept defeat.
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"Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open."
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There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts.
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I have read your book and much like it.
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There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them.
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FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
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A weak man has doubts before a decision; a strong man has them afterwards.
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Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.
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If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego. You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off from a good deal of experience.
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Television is for appearing on - not for looking at.
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If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
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He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
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My first psychiatrist said I was paranoid, but I want a second opinion because I think he's out to get me.
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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A man is up a tree, hanging by his mouth: his hands can't grasp a limb, his feet can't touch the ground.
Another man walks under the tree and asks: "What is the meaning of Bodhidharma's coming from the West?"
If the man hanging on the tree doesn't answer, he evades his duty.
If he answers, he loses his life.
What should he do?
Zen Koan
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The wise reject what they think, not what they see.
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Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
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Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
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If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
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True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.
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While there is a chance of the world getting through its troubles, I hold that a reasonable man has to behave as though he were sure of it. If at the end your cheerfulness in not justified, at any rate you will have been cheerful.
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Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none.
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A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.
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The prospect of a long day at the beach makes me panic. There is no harder work I can think of than taking myself off to somewhere pleasant, where I am forced to stay for hours and 'have fun'.
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Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.
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If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin.
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Never underestimate the power of passion.
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Nothing was,
nothing will be,
everything has reality and presence.
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Standing on the bare ground...
a mean egotism vanishes.
I become a transparent eyeball;
I am nothing;
I see all;
the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me
I am part or particle of God.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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You should enter not a mountain,
But your own mind------
Make your hiding place
In the unknown