Lil Johnny Jokes

[thelufias]

  Awesome ones Scouse and Chiron.  Your making my job tough....Now I have to find one that's just as awesome LOLOLOL

[thelufias]

Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"

Boy: "I saw a strap of your bra."

Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for the next 1 week. Another boy laughs..."

Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"

Boy: "I saw both straps of your bra."

Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for next 1 month."

The teacher bends over to pick a chalk and little Johnny starts walking out of the class.

Teacher: "Why are you going out?"

Johnny: "With what I just saw I think my school days are over."

[thelufias]

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.

She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."

The first student raised her hand to volunteer.

"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."

The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"

Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."

"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.

Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."

Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.

Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher.

The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.

Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

[Chiron]

You might be right Hedd: I still remember my heyday when I had a little book with the best ones painstakingly listed up for just in case...


"If you had a dollar," the teacher asks little Johnny, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty, how much money would you have?"

"One dollar."

 "You don't know your basic math", says the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.

Little Johnny shakes his head too:
"You don't know my Daddy."

[Chiron]

All right Hedd, to my shame I will admit that a few of those I posted weren't actually googled: either I remembered them from a remote past or I just made them up - the trick is, never confess they're your own stuff
Which blatantly belies the hypothesis that jokes must be of extraterrestrial origin as no-one ever conceded having created one 

[thelufias]

Believe me.....I have a hard time remembering my first name let alone a bunch of jokes     

I have SITES that do my remembering for me.....woooooohoooooo

[thelufias]

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his.

It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

[Chiron]

Little Johnny comes home and proudly announces to his parents:
"Mom, Dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!"

The parents, greatly pleased, congratulate him:
"That's really amazing Johnny! And what was the question?"

Sticking out his chest, the boy answers:
 "Who farted?"

[thelufias]

  Loved that one.....

[thelufias]

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class,
"Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"

Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story...

After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"