Lil Johnny Jokes

[deeleelaw57]

   Got to love a well trained class.    

[deeleelaw57]

In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"
Johnny says, "Seventy-three."
The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."
She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"
Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl."
Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."

[Jherrith]

[thelufias]

  

[thelufias]

One morning little Johnny comes walking down the stairs to find his breakfast not on the table.

He looks over at his mother and says "Hey mom, where is my breakfast?"

His mother looks at him and says "Well, you won't get your breakfast until you finish your chores."

Johnny walks out of the house and heads down to the barn to do his chores.

He goes in an gets the chicken feed and walks into the pens. All the chickens quickly gather around him not letting him get to the food bowl so he kicks one of them out of the way and pours it on the ground.

Next, he gets the pig feed and goes in to feed the pigs. Once again, all the pigs gather around him. So, he kicks one out of the way and pours it on the ground.

Finally, he grabs the cow's feed and walks into the pen and the milk cow corners him. He kicks her out of the way and pours the food on the ground.

Happy that he was finally finished he races into the house to eat breakfast. Upon getting to the table he finds a plate with a piece of toast on it. He turns to his mother and says "Where is the rest of it?"

"Well, you kicked the chickens so you get no eggs, you kicked the pigs so you get no sausage, and you kicked the cow so you get no milk."

About that time Johnny's father comes walking down the stairs and finds the pussy cat sitting right in the middle of the stair case. So, he kicks him out of the way.

Little Johhny turns to his mother and says "You want me to tell him or are you going to?"

[deeleelaw57]

Got to feel for Johnny's dad. Johnny will survive a day without a big breakfast. Not so sure pop can go a night without his ...

[thelufias]

Probably not.... LOL

[deeleelaw57]

If my granddad ever saw you abuse an animal he would pay you back big time. My uncle kicked at his big old mutt one morning and grandpa gave my uncle a swift kick to the bottom, square and hard. My uncle jumped and yelled " NO FAIR I Missed ". You missed on purpose asked grandpa. Everyone knew you should and never could lie to him, so my uncle answered truthfully, no not on purpose. Grandpa paused a moment and said to my uncle get in the truck. He turned to my grandmother and said hold our breakfast, I'm taking the boy to the eye doctor he is in bad need of glasses.

[thelufias]

Not many get an eye exam and a kick in the butt at the same time LOLOLOL

[deeleelaw57]

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.
She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.
She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny.
The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.
She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"