Lil Johnny Jokes

[Chiron]

One morning at school:

"Now, who is going to give me a sentence using the word 'geometry'?"

The whole class stays silent for a while, then little Johnny raises his hand:

"A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said 'Gee, I'm a tree! About time!' "

[Chiron]

Little Johnny's Dad takes him aside and asks him discretely if he already knows those things about birds and bees.

"I don't want to know!" snaps Little Johnny, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asks him what's wrong.

"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus! Then, no Easter Bunny! And then no Tooth Fairy! If you're about to tell me now that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

[Chiron]

The teacher asks the class:

"Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny raises his hand: "None!"

"Now listen carefully: four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

"None."

"Johnny, would you care to explain that answer?"

"Sure: one is shot, the others fly away. So there are none left."

"Well... that isn't really the correct answer, but I like the way you think."

"Ms. Brambley, can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"

"Mmmh... the one that sucks the cone?"

"No, the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

[Chiron]

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows the numbers.

"Yes," he says. "my daddy taught me."

"Good! Can you tell me what comes after three?"

"Four."

"And what comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good!" approves the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?"

"The jack."

[thelufias]

LOLOL.....Awesome ones Chiron........Glad someone else is chipping in......

[thelufias]

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."
Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."

[thelufias]

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," says his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends,
"It's okay, we can play that game again!"

[thelufias]

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven.
At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.
"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.

[Chiron]

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," says his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends,
"It's okay, we can play that game again!"

There's an adult version as well...

"Mommy, can a 5 year old girl have babies?"

"Why Johnny, certainly not! Why are you asking?"

Little Johnny doesn't answer and stares in the void, gloomy and upset.

"Johnny, what's up? Tell your Mommy!"

"Well... that f**king little bitch made me sell my tricycle to pay for the abortion!"

[Chiron]

Little Johnny is digging a hole in his backyard.
The neighbor looks at him over the fence, curious.

"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?"

"My goldfish is dead, I'm gonna bury him."

"Wow, that's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

"That's because he's inside your cat!"