Lil Johnny Jokes

[thelufias]

Fred and Mary got married, but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
 
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think!  Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think!

Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

[Jherrith]

Oops and  :nopanic;

[Aelin]

  

[thelufias]

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words and she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable.

"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

After some thought Jane proudly replied with "Monday."

"Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day.  Does anyone know another word."

"I do, I do, me me me" replied Johnny.

Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

"Ok Mike, what is your word."

"Saturday." says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables." the Teacher replied.

Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says " I know a four syllable word, pick me....."

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "OK Johnny, what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful"

"No Maam, you're thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables."

[thelufias]

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
 
Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

[thelufias]

Little Johnny's father asked for report card.
Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?" His father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

[thelufias]

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
 
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you.  Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

[Chiron]

What a relief to see something still stirring outside the Coffee Shop and Gardens! :winks:

Little Johnny goes to the zoo with his mom.

"Mom look, there’s a finger in the shark tank! Mom? Mooooom???!!!"

[Chiron]

"Well, how was at school today, Johnny?"

"Er... you don’t really want to know, mom. You’ll see it later on the news anyway..."

[Jherrith]