Jokes Jokes Jokes

[Chiron]

               

[Jherrith]

[Jherrith]

An elderly gentleman of 90 arrives in France by plane.
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
“You have been to France before, Monsieur?” the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
“Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready.”
The British gentleman says,
“The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”
“Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!”
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained;
“Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to.”

[thelufias]

That's telling him LOL.....  Good one...

[thelufias]

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:

Brunette:  Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Blonde:    That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette:  My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Blonde:  ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

[Jherrith]

[Jherrith]

So, there’s this yellow toad wandering around in the forest…
Kind of pissed off because he doesn’t want to be yellow.
Life would be easier if he was brown or green like the other toads.
He’d sure be less visible to predators for one thing.
Any way … this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother, like you, do, and he begs her;
“Fairy Godmother please make me green like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such.”
The Fairy Godmother whips out her magic wand and says “Abracapokus! You’re green.”
The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his package, which is still yellow.
He says to the Fairy Godmother “Wait a minute; my meat & two vegs are still yellow.”
To this the Fairy Godmother said, “I don’t do w!llies, go and see the Wizard Of Oz for that.
The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
There also happens to be a purple bear wandering around in the very same forest, must be one of the enchanted forests and he encounters the very same Fairy Godmother.
He implores her; “Fairy Godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off.”
She is a nice Fairy Godmother, takes out her magic wand and says, “You’re brown.”
The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the old twig and berries, they remain purple.
He says, “What about my wedding tackle, they’re still purple!
She says, “I don’t do genitals, you will have to see the Wizard of Oz for that.”
To this, the bear replies, “Well that’s just dandy but how do I find the Wizard of Oz?”
The Fairy Godmother answers;
“That’s easy, just follow the yellow prick toad.

[Jherrith]

Two men are walking through the woods together and they come across an insanely huge hole in the ground.
The first man picks up a rock and tosses it into the hole.
The rock vanishes from sight, and neither guy could hear the rock hit the bottom.
The second man decides to throw a huge log into the hole.
After a few seconds pass, again there was no sound.
Both men, wanting to know how deep the hole is, spot an anvil and decide to toss it in, surely it would make a noise loud enough to hear.
A few seconds after throwing the anvil in, a goat comes sprinting through the brush and dives into the hole headfirst.
Both men are completely astonished and scared half to death.
A few minutes later, an old farmer comes tromping through the woods and asks the two men:
“Hey have you two seen my prize-winning goat?”
The first guy tells the farmer:
“Yeah! Just a minute ago your goat came sprinting through the woods and dove into the hole! It scared us half to death!”
The old farmer replies:
“That’s impossible! He was tied to an anvil!”

[Scouseaphrenia]

Three men were married to girls from different parts of the world.


The first man married a girl from Sweden. He told her that she must do the housework. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see the house clean.


The second man married a girl from Thailand. He told her that she must do the housework and have his dinner fixed promptly at 6pm every day. On the first and second days, he didn't see any results, but on the third day he came home and found his dinner on the table, and the house was immaculate.


The third man married a girl from Canada. He told her he wanted her to do all the housework, keep the lawn mowed, do the laundry, and make sure he had a hot meal on the table three times a day. On the first day, he didn't see anything. On the second day, he still hadn't seen anything. By the third day, he could see a little bit out of his left eye, he could load the dishwasher, and make himself a sandwich. To this day, he still has some difficulty peeing.

[thelufias]

Awesome jokes .......You both get a box of  and maybe I'll throw in a  or two