Lil Johnny Jokes

[Jherrith]

RATS

[thelufias]

 

[Jherrith]

Little Johnny's class is learning about good sleeping habits.
The teacher asks the students to talk about how they can improve their sleep.
Cindy raises her hand and says
"I have a lot of nightmares so I often don't get a good sleep."
The teacher asks
"and what can you do to improve that?"
Cindy replies "I can stop reading scary stories before bed, that's what my mom told my brother to do when she found out he was having nightmares."
The teacher says "very good, Cindy! Who's next?"
Albert puts up his hand and says
"I've been sleeping in too much lately because I'm too tired in the morning."
"And what can you do to improve that?" the teacher asks.
Albert responds "I can go to sleep earlier, that's what my mom told my sister to do when she kept sleeping in."
The teacher says "that's great Albert! Anyone else?"
Little Johnny puts up his hand and says
"I've been sleeping over at my friends houses a lot, and I just don't sleep as well as I do in my own bed."
The teacher asks "what can you do to improve that?"
Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says
"I guess I can go f*ck myself, that's what my mom told my dad to do when she found out he was sleeping around all over town."

[Jherrith]

One day Little Johnny went walking around to check out his surroundings and found a farmer selling chickens.
Little Johnny went over to the farmer to see how much he was selling them for.
The farmer asked him if he wanted a male or a female.
Little Johnny asked for both.
So the farmer said, "Here you go, one cock and one pullet."
Little Johnny got confused, and asked him what he meant.
The farmer said, "A cock is a male chicken and a pullet is a female chicken."
Little Johnny said, "Oh," and went on his way with two chickens one under each arm.
A bit further down the road he saw a donkey for sale.
He went to the man who was selling it to find out how much it was.
The man said, "The ass is 15 dollars."
Little Johnny replied,
"No, I want the donkey out side in your yard."
The man just said, "That's an ass."
Little Johnny, new to these terms, just said, "Oh," and bought the donkey.
As he was leaving the man yelled out,
"Wait, the ass gets a bit stubborn about going over hills, so you have to scratch him behind the ears to get him going again."
So Little Johnny is going back home and the donkey stops dead in its tracks and he can't get it to move.
He can't scratch its ear because he would have to drop one of the chickens and it would run away.
So Little Johnny starts to fuss and yell at the donkey.
While he is doing this a beautiful woman walks up and asks him if he needs help.
Little Johnny thinks, hey, why don't I try to impress this beautiful woman by using my new terms that I learned today.
So Little Johnny turns to the woman and says,  "Yeah, could you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"

[Jherrith]

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub.
He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton.
She replies, "A bush."
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower.
He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?"
His father replies, "It is a snake."
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub.
He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?"
She replies, "Headlights."
A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"

[Jherrith]

Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers.
The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter.
Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind.
The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack.
"Nah," says Johnny, "what else do you have?"
"Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that I have are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know what these will do to a woman?"
Little Johnny says, "but they'll make a goat jump about two feet off of the ground!"

[Jherrith]

Little Johnny is in class.
The teacher is going through the alphabet, having each child think up a word that starts with a letter.
They get to "W", and the teacher figures Little Johnny can't think up anything dirty with a "W"
so she calls on him.
"Womb", Little Johnny says.
"That's a good word, Johnny", teacher says.
"Is that as in, where babies come from?" she asks.
"No," says Johnny, "that's the sound elephants make when they're screwing, you know,
Womb! Womb! Womb!"

[deeleelaw57]

    A great ending to a great day.

[thelufias]

Loved them all....way cool "J".....

[thelufias]

Little Johnny went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."