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Author Topic: Jokes Jokes Jokes  (Read 5310 times)

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Online Jherrith

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Re: Jokes Jokes Jokes
« Reply #620 on: August 20, 2019, 04:58:20 PM »
I typically don't care much for FB but was scrolling through and ran across this post. When I finally stopped laughing so hard that I was having trouble breathing, I knew I had to steal it just for the other folks here who are sick, twisted and dark

Enjoy


I’m sorry. I’m not normal, I am aware of this fact. I also have a very dark and damaged sense of humor. Now, with that said, I just nearly physically died laughing at this review.

“I'd like to apologize in advance for what you are about to read, but this stuff, Mag07, and the salt water flush will make your soul step out of your body along with everything you have eaten since birth!

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR beer and you don't want to be a sissy in front of your older brother and his friends. It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of crap in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser. Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you've got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to God there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life or just a horrible nightmare? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The crap / water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down. Is that blood? False alarm. That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your butthole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shart as it gurgled out of your rump.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have pooped out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your butthole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it. You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats. You fear you're now close to meeting Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours. You're broken. Your butthole's broken. Your spirit's broken. Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a poop stain and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.”
"But who is stronger, truly, I asked myself, he who continues to wound and bleed himself to please others, or he who refuses any longer to do so?"

Fighting Slave of Gor by John Norman

Offline thelufias

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Re: Jokes Jokes Jokes
« Reply #621 on: August 21, 2019, 12:53:42 PM »
:tearlaugh: :tearlaugh:

That certainly IS different
We Shall Stand

Offline thelufias

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Re: Jokes Jokes Jokes
« Reply #622 on: August 27, 2019, 06:12:45 PM »
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

 "What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
We Shall Stand

Online Scouseaphrenia

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Re: Jokes Jokes Jokes
« Reply #623 on: September 14, 2019, 11:49:21 AM »
driving down a road a man sees a chicken with three legs. intrigued, he drives after it to a farm where there are more 3 legged birds. he asks the farmer why they have 3 legs.
Farmer says we like chicken thighs so theyre bred that way.
What do they taste like?
No idea... we never managed to catch one...



Online Jherrith

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Re: Jokes Jokes Jokes
« Reply #624 on: September 14, 2019, 12:15:30 PM »
:tearlaugh: Serves them right :tearlaugh:
"But who is stronger, truly, I asked myself, he who continues to wound and bleed himself to please others, or he who refuses any longer to do so?"

Fighting Slave of Gor by John Norman

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Re: Jokes Jokes Jokes
« Reply #625 on: September 14, 2019, 02:06:13 PM »
same guy drives into the next town. a pet shop is selling cats imported from the netherlands. disbelieving, he goes in to ask...
 :mwah: :mwah: :mwah: :mwah: :mwah:   

how dutch is that moggy in the window?

Online Jherrith

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Re: Jokes Jokes Jokes
« Reply #626 on: September 14, 2019, 02:36:48 PM »
:thud: :thud: :thud: :thud: :thud:
"But who is stronger, truly, I asked myself, he who continues to wound and bleed himself to please others, or he who refuses any longer to do so?"

Fighting Slave of Gor by John Norman

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Re: Jokes Jokes Jokes
« Reply #627 on: Today at 08:59:09 AM »
The battle of the sexes will never be won...


We fraternise too much with the enemy...

 

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