Lil Johnny Jokes

[thelufias]

Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station.

The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is used for?"

Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.

Little Johnny replied: "That's how we know that supper is ready!"

[thelufias]

Teacher asked : Why are you late for school?

Johnny: Because of the Sign.

Teacher : What Sign?

Johnny : The sign that says "School ahead go slow"

[thelufias]

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.

When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.

So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?"

Johnny said, "Yes."

"Well, what did the principal say?"

"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number ..."

[thelufias]

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

"What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband.

"Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine!

What ever are we going to do?"

"Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

[thelufias]

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

[thelufias]

A kindergarten teacher asked her students what part of the body grew 10x its size when stimulated.

All of the students stayed quiet until Little Susie stood up and said, "I'm going to tell my mommy and daddy what you're teaching us!"

The teacher didn't answer her and asked the class again, "What part of the body grows 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Susie began to turn red in the face and said, "My parents are going to tell the principal and have you fired!"

Again, the teacher ignored her and asked a third time, with Little Mikey finally saying, "The pupil of the eye."

The teacher said, "You're correct, Little Mikey.

"And as for you, Little Susie:

"One, you have a dirty mind.

"Two, you didn't do your homework.

"And three, you're going to be *very* disappointed one day."

[Jherrith]

Yes, she will indeed

[deeleelaw57]

After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car.
"What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home, I just want her to stay with you guys."

[deeleelaw57]

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".

[thelufias]