Jokes Jokes Jokes

[thelufias]

I'm thinking one last look in the gallery is due.....I was in there earlier on....

[thelufias]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

[Scouseaphrenia]

Following on from that cracker...


Here is the news...


A Japanese plane transporting car parts developed engine trouble over Ireland and then exploded showering its cargo  over a wide area.


Two eyewitnesses on the ground look up and one remarked...






"Look, paddy, it's raining Datsun cogs...

[Scouseaphrenia]

Paddy and Mick are looking at job ads in a shop window...


Look Mick someone's looking for tree fellers...


Ah tis no good, there's only two of us...

[Scouseaphrenia]

What do you call a fly with no wings?


Walk


What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs?


Sit

[Scouseaphrenia]

I woke up this morning to a tap on the door...

Strange plumber I've hired....

[Scouseaphrenia]

What's a wog?

A wump  of wood siwwy!

[Scouseaphrenia]

I was at a restaurant and the waiter asked me how I found my steak?

Well, said I, I moved the parsley and there it was!!!

[thelufias]

   Good ones Scouse......

[thelufias]

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?! I'm trying to take a shit!"