Lil Johnny Jokes

[thelufias]

Ewwwwwwww.......  

[thelufias]

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something.

The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world.", says Johnny.

The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny and says, "Now you know that's not true son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true. But one drop of this on a cats ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

[deeleelaw57]

     vroom vroom little kitty

[deeleelaw57]

One weekend little Johnny and his dad go camping. On the first day they caught a good number of trout. After making a hearty evening meal out of those trout Johnny's dad declares "if you eat like a bear you need to go like one." He grabs a roll of TP from the tent and heads off behind a tree.


After a short time Johnny hears a horrible scream. Dad comes running out of the bushes yelling Johnny a snake bit me on the butt, what do we do. Dad checks his cell phone, no service. Johnny dad says take my phone climb that tree and call the doctor find out what to do. Johnny does as he is told and reaches the doctor. The doctor told him to calm down and relax. He asked if he had a knife. He did. Take your knife a make a cut between the two fang marks, lock your lips tightly and securely around the wound and suck out the poison. Johnny hurries down the tree and races back to dad. Dad asks all excited "Johnny what did the doctor say." Johnny is huffing and puffing all out of breath. He pauses draws in some air and shouts "DAD, YOUR GOING TO DIE."

[Jherrith]

Saw that coming

[thelufias]

   

[thelufias]

A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.

She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?"

A little girl raised her hand. "Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?" "It's a cow, teacher." "Very good, Janie," said the teacher.

Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly.

She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class.

Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers.

The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.

"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?"

Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said,  "Ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"

[Jherrith]

[deeleelaw57]

 

[thelufias]

Lil' Johnny and Lil' Suzie were walking home from school one day.

As they walked along, they saw two dogs knotted up along side the road, going at it like rabbits. "What are they doing, Johnny" Suzie asked?

Well, Lil' Johnny, being a man of the world for all his 12 years, knew what they were doing, but was embarrassed to say, so he said, "Well, he's scaring her".

Lil' Suzie replied, "Oh".

They walked a little further and Lil' Suzie said, "Scare me, Lil' Johnny".

Well, Lil' Johnny thought, "What the hell," so he took her into the bushes and "scared" her.

After they were finished, they started walking home again. Pretty soon, they walked past a stallion mounting a mare in the field.

"What are they doing, Lil' Johnny" she asked?

"Well, he's scaring her." So Lil' Suzie said, "Scare me again, Lil' Johnny".

So, Lil' Johnny took her into the bushes and "scared" her again.

After they were finished, they continued walking home. Soon, you guessed it, they saw a bull and a heifer in the field, going at it.

"What are they doing, Lil' Johnny" she asked again?

"Uh, he's scaring her," Lil' Johnny replied.

After a few more minutes of walking, Lil' Suzie said, "Scare me again, Lil' Johnny".

Lil' Johnny, not being as much of a man as he had thought, blurted out, "BOO, damn it, BOO"!