Chat Room

What's Up


 

Fafnir

2024 Mar 28 06:20:23
 :easter5:
 

vash99

2024 Mar 27 10:19:38
yeah well at least the chemo my doctor suggested is a lot less harsh than when my mom had it
 

Radkres

2024 Mar 26 10:42:06
I Hope You Come up Negative on Cancer! Chemo is no Fun!  :3flower;
 

vash99

2024 Mar 26 10:14:09
i did the doctor was slightly concerned but its already fading i go back to work next week with limitations and a referral to an oncologist for blood work and possible chemo
 

thelufias

2024 Mar 26 12:06:16
Any bruising should be reported to your Doctor if you didn't know how it got there.
 

vash99

2024 Mar 23 11:02:10
i do im always walking around this part of town it helps but yesterday i saw a big bruise on my abdomen its already fading but it caught me off guard
 

Radkres

2024 Mar 22 12:27:16
Reminder Do Your Home Work Too! Do Not Be My Aunt Who Does nothing unless they are standing There!  :hug:
 

thelufias

2024 Mar 22 09:20:19
That's a good thing vash...they push you...but it's worth it in the end.
 

vash99

2024 Mar 21 09:34:30
im going to msc in olive branch this weekend for me its physical therapy
 

thelufias

2024 Mar 21 04:14:51
Snow Tomorrow....we shall see....if not....we won't see
 

vash99

2024 Mar 19 09:59:20
 :havesum:
 

Fafnir

2024 Mar 19 05:36:57
 :toast:
 

Pommerlis

2024 Mar 19 04:54:08
Renovating is hard work!
 

vash99

2024 Mar 18 09:45:35
the food is overseasoned and they wake u up every two hours to check vitals, blood test , give the occasional tylonol  i got more sleep in one night home last night than four days in the hospital lolon another note i found the fifth incision its a lot longer than the rest and it stings
 

thelufias

2024 Mar 18 10:49:35
I know what you mean Vash...They wake you up to give you a sleeping pill LOL

Attic Donations

Link to the thread


All donations are greatly needed, appreciated, and go to the Attic/Realms Server fees and upkeep


Thank you so much.

Vote for site! 2024

Vote for our site daily by CLICKING this image:




Then go here: to post your vote
Awards are emailed when goals are reached:
Platinum= 10,000 votes
Silver= 2,500 votes
Bronze= 1,000 votes
Pewter= 300 votes
Copper= 100 Votes



 

Featured Art

Weekly Winners


Click images to view


SAOTW



Das Mäuschen © Lienchen


*****


TOTW



Metallica / Lethal Injection (TGIF) © oldeekdog


*****


Monthly Contest Winner ~ February
~Space Fantasy~



1st Place:




R01 Nebula Patrol Flight by Agent0013


Weekly Winners Prizes


3 Items from Sponsors Showcase



1 prize from Fantasies Realm Market


 :grenade:

Change you look!





Members
  • Total Members: 244
  • Latest: Jammixx
Stats
  • Total Posts: 98813
  • Total Topics: 12309
  • Online Today: 1075
  • Online Ever: 3845
  • (September 15, 2023, 06:21:15 AM)
Users Online

Giveaway of the Day

Giveaway of the Day

Author Topic: Lil Johnny Jokes  (Read 15480 times)

0 Members and 3 Guests are viewing this topic.

Online thelufias

  • The Sane One
  • Administrator
  • Reckoning Force
  • ***************
  • Posts: 88977
  • Straight Jackets are FREE
    • The Fantasy Attic
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #250 on: March 15, 2019, 04:21:29 PM »
Ewwwwwwww.......:tearlaugh: :tearlaugh:  :toast:

Online thelufias

  • The Sane One
  • Administrator
  • Reckoning Force
  • ***************
  • Posts: 88977
  • Straight Jackets are FREE
    • The Fantasy Attic
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #251 on: March 15, 2019, 04:23:13 PM »
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something.

The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world.", says Johnny.

The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny and says, "Now you know that's not true son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true. But one drop of this on a cats ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

Offline deeleelaw57

  • Detective Dee
  • 1000 Grand Roller
  • ******
  • Posts: 1580
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #252 on: March 15, 2019, 04:40:32 PM »
 :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh:   vroom vroom little kitty

Offline deeleelaw57

  • Detective Dee
  • 1000 Grand Roller
  • ******
  • Posts: 1580
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #253 on: March 17, 2019, 03:02:02 PM »
One weekend little Johnny and his dad go camping. On the first day they caught a good number of trout. After making a hearty evening meal out of those trout Johnny's dad declares "if you eat like a bear you need to go like one." He grabs a roll of TP from the tent and heads off behind a tree.


After a short time Johnny hears a horrible scream. Dad comes running out of the bushes yelling Johnny a snake bit me on the butt, what do we do. Dad checks his cell phone, no service. Johnny dad says take my phone climb that tree and call the doctor find out what to do. Johnny does as he is told and reaches the doctor. The doctor told him to calm down and relax. He asked if he had a knife. He did. Take your knife a make a cut between the two fang marks, lock your lips tightly and securely around the wound and suck out the poison. Johnny hurries down the tree and races back to dad. Dad asks all excited "Johnny what did the doctor say." Johnny is huffing and puffing all out of breath. He pauses draws in some air and shouts "DAD, YOUR GOING TO DIE."

Online Jherrith

  • Doctor of the Attic
  • Reckoning Force
  • **********
  • Posts: 64433
  • Kianna will see you now
    • Jherriths Lair
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #254 on: March 17, 2019, 03:08:39 PM »
Saw that coming :tearlaugh:


"But who is stronger, truly, I asked myself, he who continues to wound and bleed himself to please others, or he who refuses any longer to do so?"


Fighting Slave of Gor by John Norman

Online thelufias

  • The Sane One
  • Administrator
  • Reckoning Force
  • ***************
  • Posts: 88977
  • Straight Jackets are FREE
    • The Fantasy Attic
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #255 on: March 17, 2019, 03:11:04 PM »
:tearlaugh: :tearlaugh:    :toast:

Online thelufias

  • The Sane One
  • Administrator
  • Reckoning Force
  • ***************
  • Posts: 88977
  • Straight Jackets are FREE
    • The Fantasy Attic
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #256 on: March 17, 2019, 03:20:20 PM »
A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.

She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?"

A little girl raised her hand. "Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?" "It's a cow, teacher." "Very good, Janie," said the teacher.

Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly.

She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class.

Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers.

The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.

"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?"

Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said,  "Ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"

Online Jherrith

  • Doctor of the Attic
  • Reckoning Force
  • **********
  • Posts: 64433
  • Kianna will see you now
    • Jherriths Lair
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #257 on: March 17, 2019, 03:27:58 PM »
:thumb_up:


"But who is stronger, truly, I asked myself, he who continues to wound and bleed himself to please others, or he who refuses any longer to do so?"


Fighting Slave of Gor by John Norman

Offline deeleelaw57

  • Detective Dee
  • 1000 Grand Roller
  • ******
  • Posts: 1580
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #258 on: March 17, 2019, 03:36:03 PM »
 :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh: :tearlaugh:

Online thelufias

  • The Sane One
  • Administrator
  • Reckoning Force
  • ***************
  • Posts: 88977
  • Straight Jackets are FREE
    • The Fantasy Attic
Re: Lil Johnny Jokes
« Reply #259 on: March 25, 2019, 05:16:49 PM »
Lil' Johnny and Lil' Suzie were walking home from school one day.

As they walked along, they saw two dogs knotted up along side the road, going at it like rabbits. "What are they doing, Johnny" Suzie asked?

Well, Lil' Johnny, being a man of the world for all his 12 years, knew what they were doing, but was embarrassed to say, so he said, "Well, he's scaring her".

Lil' Suzie replied, "Oh".

They walked a little further and Lil' Suzie said, "Scare me, Lil' Johnny".

Well, Lil' Johnny thought, "What the hell," so he took her into the bushes and "scared" her.

After they were finished, they started walking home again. Pretty soon, they walked past a stallion mounting a mare in the field.

"What are they doing, Lil' Johnny" she asked?

"Well, he's scaring her." So Lil' Suzie said, "Scare me again, Lil' Johnny".

So, Lil' Johnny took her into the bushes and "scared" her again.

After they were finished, they continued walking home. Soon, you guessed it, they saw a bull and a heifer in the field, going at it.

"What are they doing, Lil' Johnny" she asked again?

"Uh, he's scaring her," Lil' Johnny replied.

After a few more minutes of walking, Lil' Suzie said, "Scare me again, Lil' Johnny".

Lil' Johnny, not being as much of a man as he had thought, blurted out, "BOO, damn it, BOO"!

 

participial