Jokes Jokes Jokes

[Jherrith]

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,
“Hey old man, can you dance?”
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
“No son, I don’t dance… never really wanted to.”
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,
“Well, you old fool, you’re gonna dance now!” and started shooting at the old man’s feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old-timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, as he quietly said;
“Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said,
“No sir… but…but I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for all of us here:
*Don’t be arrogant.
*Don’t waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, don’t screw around with old folks; they didn’t get old by being stupid.

[Jherrith]

Little Johnny’s father sat down next to him on the couch one day and said,
” Okay, Johnny, once there was this big, black rooster, and it was sitting on a fence post. How many wings does the rooster have?”
Johnny replies, ” It has two.”
Little Johnny’s father then asks,
“How many eyes does the rooster have?”
Johnny replies, ” It has two.”
Little Johnny’s father then asks, ” Well then, how many legs do you think the rooster had?”
Johnny replies, ” It has two, daddy.”
So then, Little Johnny’s daddy says,
” Well then, a big white catwalk up to where the big black rooster is standing on the fence post and opens its mouth to hiss at the rooster. How many teeth does the cat have?”
Little Johnny scratches his head and replies,
” I don’t know daddy, how many teeth does the cat have?”
Little Johnny’s daddy grabs him by the arm and exclaims,
” Alright boy, how come you know so much about big black cock and so little about white pussy?”

[Jherrith]

In a blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said,
“All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 pounds to the fire department that brings them out intact.”
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.
As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 pounds to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files.
But still, the firefighters could not get through.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.
It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65.
To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the old-timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.
It was a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the old-timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 pounds and walked over to personally thank each of the brave firefighters.
The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief,
“What are you going to do with all that money?”
“Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief,
“the first thing we’re gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck.”

[Jherrith]

An elderly man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the old man.
“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the old man again objects.
“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”
The dentist then returns and says,
“Here is a Viagra tablet.”
The patient says,
“Wow – I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain pill.!”
“It doesn’t,” said the dentist and continued:
“But it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.”

[Jherrith]

The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.
The rat was in the middle of the cage.
Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side.
The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.
Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.
The male rat ran towards the bread.
This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.
And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.
Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.
Then, one of the students from the back rows said,
“Sir, why don’t you change the female rat? This one may be his wife!”

[thelufias]

it can't be that bad since you are her most favorite and repeat visitor.

Psst .... you are the one who leaves her gasping for breath in pleasure .... BTW

You and she must spend a lot of time trying to figure out whose who since you always have things confused....LOLOL.....

But perhaps she's finally decided messing with your mind is easier to do then messing with others

PS:  I'm her repeat avoider.....tsk tsk....after all of this time I would have thought you remembered that...she has

[thelufias]

  Some Great Jokes....My favorite is the Firefighters.....

[M-Callahan]

Dumb joke of the Day!


What do you call a pig that dose Karate?


A pork chop. 

[thelufias]

 

[M-Callahan]

Another dumb Joke of the Day.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrow to high.


She look surprised.