Lil Johnny Jokes

[deeleelaw57]

i really like that kids can do attitude.

[deeleelaw57]

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.
Little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.
Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next.
"My dad owns a farm too.
Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator.
Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.";
Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.
Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny.
"My uncle Ted fought in the war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory.
He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete.
On the way down, he drank the case of beer.
Then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy soldiers.
He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets!
So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more.
Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked.
After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't mess with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

[Jherrith]

[thelufias]

 

[deeleelaw57]

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.


She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."


Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.


Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."


The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"


To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.


On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.


Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

[Jherrith]

Snicker

[thelufias]

A teacher asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living.

Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer.

He puts the bad guys in jail."

Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor.

He makes all the sick people better."

All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny.

Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?"

Johnny says: "My Dad is dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?"

"He turned blue and shit on the carpet."

[deeleelaw57]

      :nopanic;   

[Chiron]

"Do you like that book you're reading, Little Johnny?"

"I dunno Granny... sort of boring, and no pictures, and so many funny words..."

"What's it about?"

"Uh, a lady Chat or something, and a, uh... videogamekeeper..."

"JOHNNY! Where did you get it??? That's definitely no kids' stuff!"

"I-it was in Granpa's lib'ry... but Granny, what's exactly a 'lover'?"

"Now listen little chap, you're not supp... OH DEAR GOD!!!!"

The old little lady slaps her forehead, stands up abruptly, runs to the bedroom holding her breath, opens an old squeaky cabinet...
... and an ancient brittle skeleton collapses clattering to her feet.

[deeleelaw57]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.


 "Let's not be too harsh on them, they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." Johnny's mother says.


"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"